Dancing Like My Mother: SAN FRANCISCO- Hold Yr Horses 11/28/06

At home I fry up a buffalo burger with two slices of cheese.
While it cooks I microwave leftover apple pie, which tastes entirely too clovey.

On the couch I watch a rerun of MTV's Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Duel. The one in which Beth gets eliminated on a technicality. Boyf and the dogs huddle around a newly purchased space heater.

I dress:
Tight black jeans, new
An under tank
A new vintage cardigan sweater vest in cream with brown detailing and buttons
A vintage fur stole, with heads, tails and legs in tact, minus a few claws.

I flatiron, curl and mascara (diorshow) eyelashes. Matte finish hair creme.
Add extra mascara under each eye, so I have doll eyes. DOLL EYES.

Pony moves the rest of his stuff into the hallway by the front door. He's moving today. Sadness reigns. His jeans are raw denim and so tight, he's been wearing them for two days in an effort to stretch them out. My jeans are so tight that my kneess snap back when I walk, everything below my waist is pressed in.

I scoot to AC's.

It's 10:05 but none of the kids are here, just regulars sipping beers and eating crock pot food from plastic plates.
Dad is all
"You look like Hitler"
He pushes my bangs back. He's all
"Do you want some food before I put it away"
I just ate, thanks though.

I call Rchrd Oh?!
I'm all
Where are you guys
"On our way"
I got worried because you guys are late
"I can't hear you"
Ok bye.

I set up the table and dad pours me a surprisingly weak redbullvodka.
Struthers and Houston show up. They went to Volver at the new WESTFIELD SHOPPING CENTRE.
They say Penelope Cruz's tits looked great in the movie, they lament that they weren't naked more.
Struthers has an OP thermal on. It's all sailboats and windblown. I tell her I heard OP is coming back.

Cupcake, Rchrd Oh?! and Lucy come in. Lucy's wearing the cutest striped tunicy tulipy dress with super short bangs.
Cupcake sports his longish and growing hair and full beard. He unpacks chipotle chocolate torte cupcakes with cinnamon creme and almonds on top. What the fuck? Like forreal? I eat one. I congratulate Cupcake.

Dad gives me the envelope, Rchrd Oh?! turns up the music and off the lights, the regulars and crockpot diners stream out.
I fill popcorn baskets, and some styrofoam plates and spread them on the bar.
Bloody Mallory plays on the tv-s, we've seen this before at Hold Yr Horses, but it's fucking amazing. Some french horror movie about a demon slayer and her oddball team of demon slayers, there's: talkative taylor (psychic mute child with mind control powers), shishi (tranny demon slayer with really sharp finger nails), Mallory (slighted bride of a werewolf with fingerless redleather gloves that read e-v-i-l s-u-c-k-s on the knuckles.

It's 10:30 but it's still us. Cupcake says he wants to cut his hair because he looks like a hippy but I'm all
You like like a dirty San Francisco Indie hipster
He seems unswayed by my assesment.
Struthers shares a drink with Houston, and shakes it in her chair.

Rchrd Oh?! is all
"I don't allow fur in my club that better be fake"
Cupcake is all
"Is that real? gross..."
Lucy is all
"That stole is cute."
She works at LV so I'm going with her.

A crowd of four kids show up. The first guy doesn't have money, I'm all
"Are all your friends going to say the same thing?"
I let him in but his friends pay. I recognize them from Shadowplay.
The two Shadowplay go-go dancers show up.
Inline with the new IDEVERYONE policy, I id everyone, most people are surprisngly older than they appear.

Lucy is behind the bar and I'm all
Dad, what is she doing behind there?!
He's all
"She's my partner"
But I thought you were gay
"Well I just pretend her clit is a really small penis and I suck it all night long"
Struthers and Houston lose it. I mime sucking on a very small penis.
Microphallus.
Enlarged Clitoris.

Anjie and his two girly friends come in, I don't charge him. Lucy offers them Cupcakes and the blonde is all
"I had one earlier, I was there when Cupcake made them"
Lucy is all
"Oh, you're my replacement."
Awkward.
I count the money.

I tell Anjie
I've never really met you
He's all
"You're Boyf, right?"
No, Host
"We met at JB's birthday last year"
I don't remember
"I like your haircut."
Thanks

Demons burst out of pregenant stomach's in Mallory's world. I'm all
Did you see that?!
to Houston. She's like
"I can't stop watching..."

Nasty comes in with a new asym bob. Cute. I tell her to tease up the back so she looks extra spesh. ART is with her, we double cheek kiss.
They both pet the stole.

Sparkle comes in with a friend.
He's all
"Hey!"
Hey
"This is my friend Naomi"

She's cute with a tank top and a multistrand microbeaded necklace, all indigenous fetishy.
It's awkward so I'm all
Ok, Well, I guess I'll see you guys in there, on the dance floor
I shrug crookedly and smile, crookedly.

Alice comes in wearing an ADIDAS Parka, cute black flats with metal detailing gray stockings and a Mika Miko aqua tshirt. Totally adorbs, oh and a grey clip in ribbon in her hair.

Dig pops in and flashes a scooter rearview mirror at me, then bounces outside to install it on my scooter.
I refill a popcorn basket and get another redbullvodka.

Dino comes in wearing a red vintagey coat over a black and red sailor top with black pants and red suspenders. We hug. Hard. She's straight to the bar.

Boyf comes in cold. Everyone is cold. It's so cold. The door is closed, it's always open. People dart in and out quickly to smoke.

A few more newbies come in, then the girls show up. Rox is wearing this cute gold chain fastened with a gold safety pin,
I want one and she's all
"I'll make you one"
We agree on a trade, two bandannas for one necklace.

Brandicorn shows up wearing red flannel. Totally cute and a shorter haircut. We talk about his recent absence from the gay world and Cupcake interrupts, we make tentative holiday plans.

The music rocks. Everyone dances. I'm leaning on the bar when Pony comes in
You all moved?
"Yes"
We're going to miss you.
He leans on the bar with Boyf and they order drinks. It's getting kind of full.
At 11:30 I stop drinking. I have to drive home. So I'm done drinking.

Vanderbuilt is here. I didn't notice her come in, she must have been with a crowd. She's wearing a fitted modern leather jacket with little black leather driving gloves, and her hair is all down and in her face. She's bringing sexy back.
I'm all
You look great, you're bringing sexy back
she's all
"I stopped with the blow"
OH!
she orders another drink. Her bangs are all sexy and sweaty and in her face. She's as party as ever. I lean over to Nasty and I'm all
She always wears dresses and is super cute, but look how sexy she is right now! In a leather jacket!
I read in my new favorite gay mag (DETAILS) that leather jackets make everyone look like douchebags.
Vanderbuilt is a solid counterargument.

When Boyf comes by I tell him how hot Vanderbuilt is and he's all
"I know"
Then we talk about his new project, his business plan. I get really excited and nervous, it's the redbull, so I get a water.
Sparkle walks by and grabs Boyf's stomach
I'm all
Did he just grab your stomach?
"Yeah, like this" then he grabs my stomach.
Totally Weird
Boyf agrees, and raises his eyebrows.

I'm all
I have to go to the bathroom
and Vanderbuilt is all
"I'll do the door"
I very obviously hesitate, she's all
"You don't trust me.."
When I hand her the money folder she drops it. I'm off to the dance floor and rest room
ART stops me and we chat it up about fashion. I tell him he always has amazing pieces, as he shakes a tamborine to the beat of Rchrd Oh?!'s top 40.
He's all
"I've only ever seen you in tank tops, but it's a good look for you, you know, all that skin..."
I pee quick and pat Rchrd Oh?! on the ass on my way back.

Vanderbuilt is still there.
Anjie comes by and he's all
"Sorry I thought you were Boyf, I really like your haircut."
He turns to Boyf
"I really like your mustache. Is Agent coming? I'm going to text him."
He's dissapointed that there's not more gay boys.
AC's is notorious I guess for it's trashy faggots, but HYH is usually some fags, and lots of ladies, straight ladies. The fags that do come do know how to trash it up though. I've seen it,
in the bathroom.

Cupcake and Nasty come around with cameras as per usual. I pose with Lucy and Nasty and Alice.

Teeny and Toddy show up. They just got out of practice. They're all cold when we hug. Toddy seeks out Brandicorn while me and Teeny chat about her recent relationship ishes. Toddy comes back and the three of us talk about their show on Thursday at the Rickshaw, right in front of the door, people try to get past us, but we don't move. I laugh at it.

Then they leave.
Nasty comes up and she's all
"Members of Finest Dearest were here."
Yeah I used to be in that band
"They are friends with this guy I'm into, he's in this other band"
Oh, I've never heard of that other band. I'll ask them about him, do you want to go to the show on Thursday?
We make drunk plans to go to the show, I'll myspace you.

It's already 1am and I am so sober, I ask Dad for a RedbulJUSTredbull. It tastes suspicious though. I get on the dancefloor and shake it shake it.
Sparkle is all
"I should through paint on you, for wearing that fur"
I'm all
That would be hot, like, what color?
"Red. You throw red paint on fur"
I'm TOTALLY into it
"Those used to be alive"
They used to be someone's grandma's and I'm really into grandma's.
He smiles. I think. I dance. The stole jumps around like it's alive. Gross. I throw it on a bench with my sweater.

Nasty is drinking Old Fashioneds. I got her hooked two weeks ago. I take a sip, a generous one. We dance. She takes pictures. Cupcake jumps on a bench and takes pictures.
Dino and I cut it up in the corner. I hate the mirrors tonight. I just can't look at them too long. I feel really full. Of cupcakes redbull and popcorn. I tell Dino she dances like my newyorkcity friends.
She's all
"Is that good?"
I think so. We toss it around for two and a half songs, but I get a stitch in my side so I go pee.

Back on the floor I get Boyf to come over and dance with Cupcake. It's like old times, we dance all up on him. It's fun. I'm glad Cupcake is my friend. Right now I'm so glad to be here, with the motley loose crew of HYH regulars. The girls dance in a circle. OURLADY just jumps around, her hair is new too, real short.
I'm all
You cut your hair
"I needed a change"
Then we both say
I/You always cut my/your hair.
I'm all
I didnt know you had a boyfriend then Rox told me and I was bummed because I thought you were mine.
"We can still have babies."
Excellent.

The lights seem crazy. Really bright and flashy, everyone is dancing. EVERYONE. Some impossibly young looking guy, who came in after I left the door takes off his shirt and rubs his chest, he's up on this girl, then this guy. I'm all
That guy is on ECSTASY
Boyf is all
"TOTALLY"
It's hilarious.
ART takes off his shirt and dances with the X guy.
When I give Rchrd Oh?! the money he kisses me on the mouth, I squeeze him a little.
That song that Agent played over and over at Thanksgiving comes on, I'm all
Yah Yah Yah Yah, like with the song. I love this song. I try to dance really good to this song.

Phyllis comes in. Really cold. Trailing cold. I'm all
PHYLLIS, everyone is all
"PHYLLIS"

I hug him.

Lo and Graham are here. They must've come in after I got off the door. Lo is dancing like an old queen. He's sort of traispsing around the dance floor with his shoulders and hips swinging, his hands out and moving like birds. Vanderbuilt comes by and she's all
"Have you met Graham"
I nod toward the floor,
Yeah he's dancing!
She's all
No that's Lo, this is Graham
Shit. I just confused them, their names
I'm all
Duh, we've met like a billion times.
Lo sashays by. I'm in love with his dancing. He just circles people. That's how you know when he's dancing with you.

I look around at the strangers and my friends. All my friends look like people from magazines. Like in PAPER or NYLON when they have a page or a few paragraphs about a new designer or acgtor or musician who is real cool but just below the radar. My friends all look like they could be in a magazine like that. I'm glad.

I get Nasty to get Boyf to dance low to the ground like likes too. He shrugs her off and grabs his orange knit scarf, dancing with his fashion. Eventually he wears down though, and they go down, like ass on the ground down. I point and scream.

I dance with Lucy and her short bangs then Vanderbuilt and her wet bangs and the tambourine then Pony and a little with Sparkle. I sort of dance with this guy who might be a girl too, and also with the girls.
Rchrd Oh?! gets me to ask Dad if we could have one more song and he says yes.
We all dance to a cover of Guns N Roses. It's too fun.
The lights come on and Dad announces that we shold donate underwear pants and socks to SFGENERAL, Vanderbuilt drukenly talks over him then stops. I collect glasses and trash.
On the way out Boyf is all
"Dad, I'm so glad you're back, you are such a great part of this club" referring to Dad's recent 6week hiatus.

My jeans are so much looser. They cling still, but they aren't snapback tight, they aren't press tight.

Outside everyone gathers in crowds, trying to make plans or share cabs or unlock bikes, till Rchrd Oh?! comes out and tells us we have to go, neighbors. He slips a wad of money into the hole next to my pocket, so it's in the lining of my coat, and I give it to Nasty for the Knife ticket I bought off her, she already forgot I owed her.

I put on my helmet, then talk about movies with Cupcake.
I forget I have my helmet on till I hug Rchrd Oh?! good bye, then I dare him to make out with me
He mouths my mouth vent.

I get on the scoot, and Dig is all
"USE THE CHOKE"
then I scoot away like an asshole.