SAN FRANCISCO- Hold Yr Horses 12/12 or How To Drink Right
I meet Pony and Boyf at the SFGLBTQQIPINFINITI Center of San Francisco. We walk home through the slightly hazy slightly drizzly weather. Boyf skips out at 16th but Pony and I hoof it all the way. I'm not paying $1.40 for a ten block ride.
We get home five minutes after Boyf, he's on the couch smoking pot and watching t.v.
I cook up a TJ's pizza, then walk the dogs.
I dress:
Black jeans (duh)
Black vans with NEW fat black laces
a tanktop
an orange sort of ribbon woven vest in 3XL from the thrift sore
Boyf says the vest is very bahai, very renn faire bisexual college proffessor.
Agent fully supports the vest, while Pony thinks it's too big.
But can it get smaller?
He says we can fix it, later.
I go back up and switch out the tank for an off white sleeveless T that shows off my arms well and hangs just loose enough around the waist. I top it off with an imitation chanel purse strap (gold chain with black leather ribbon and tassel) that I bought thinking it was a belt or necklace. No one ever notices though.
Curl eyelashes, diorshow. Flatiron and dry shampoo, shake it up.
Pony and I head out to the BART.
He is stoned and funny. Wearing a Chalayan coat a vintage old man hat and Nudies.
I love the Nudies.
On Turk by 6th st in front of the Sex Arcade some guy asks Pony where he got his hat.
He says
"A thrift store"
It's not the best neighborhood for casual conversation,
but best not to ignore people either.
We get to AC's at 10:05.
Rchrd Oh?! is already in the back messing with levels.
The place is overloades with Christmas decor.
Of note is the large sledge with a stuffed santa hanging from the
low ceiling over the center of the bar.
Dad has to half duck to avoid it when he passes.
There's also a small village of christmassy model homes snuggled
warmly around the tv by the front door, and another village on a snowy ledge above the dance floor.
When Rchrd Oh?! turns the dance lights on half the village is strobed
and laser beamed.
My favorite piece is the house perched on top of the register,
through it's tiny front windows I can see Santa, a child, and a Christmas tree
dancing, in a circle.
New favorite Coco is here with her sleek chic hair cut, faux Chanel earrings and many many necklaces.
Dad makes a face when I order an old fashioned.
To soften the blow I tell him he makes them better than any other bar I've been too.
Which is true.
Coco entertains me and Pony with tales of babysitting rich kids in hotels.
When Pony goes to smoke and get money I ask her about getting her masters.
Turns out she's a doctor. A DOCTOR. She's 25.
She's all
"Nice purse strap"
I'm all
I thought it was a necklace
Pony looks at me like I'm dumb.
After filling up popcorn baskets I retreat to my post by the door. It's 10:45 and it's still just the 5 of us.
I text Cupcake, who is not coming. I call Alice who does not answer.
Witchie and two friends show up at 11.
One of them recognizes me from the art store on Haight. I was there two days ago,
we half chat till Witchie drags her to the dancefloor.
Soon Nasty shows. She's wearing a cute tanky top with lipsticks all over it.
She has her camera. She gets a drink.
We chat it up, and fill each other in on the two weeks we haven't seen each other.
Her wallet is gone, stolen or lost, so she only has an out of date passport.
In the picture she looks remarkably like Alice, till now their family resemblance has been lost on me.
She's all
"I like that you are wearing a purse strap as a necklace"
A few pairs of folks come in but when they here about the cover they turn heel. I bet cupcakes would up the intrigue.
Some folks come in, but they know Rchrd Oh?!
Brandicorn comes in. He doesn't work tomorrow so we're hoping lots of boys
show up so he can stay up late kissing them.
Boyf is here. He gets a beer and sits with me for just a minute.
Brandicorn tells me he's going to Vietnam soon.
He's traveling alone.
He relates a story about this total fag that works for his company that he
ran into the other night. This older gay guy with a bald spot and totally
bleached out hair. Brandicorn told the guy that he has trouble meeting guys and the guy was all
"I don't know what you're talking about, I find it REALLY EASY to meet guys, I meet guys ALL THE TIME."
I'm all
He is probably desperate with no standards, that's why he's so easy, and it's so easy.
(I'm two old fashioneds in.)
In Mean Girls Lindsay Lohan's character realizes that calling someone fat doesn't make you skinny, and calling someone ugly doesn't make you pretty.
However calling someone easy does make you morally superior. I can feel the moral superiority.
Nasty's camera comes out. I request portraits by the prize machine, as per usual.
A group of 5 fags, not all ugly come in. They ALL know Rchrd Oh?!
I'm like
Great
I catch one of them peeking at me when I'm checking i.d.s.
He's cute. I realize I'm looking back at him, then I blush.
But I'm in the red lights.
The rest of them seem queeny.
Dad gives me another Old Fashioned and a bottle of water.
Alice comes in with Dig.
She's dressed like Napolean Dynamite.
She's wearing a Napolean Dynamite t-shirt.
She's also wearing a puffy jacket and those puffy snow boots.
She's sort of giving a little Deb. But more like one of those little kid costumes with the plastic mask.
She's all
"I'm wearing this shirt and I feel like one of those kids in one of those halloween costumes that's plastic and it has a picture of who they are supposed to be on it, like a little girl wearing a rainbow brite outfit, but she has rainbow brite's face on her chest or something. I always thought those kids were cheating when I was younger. You can't reference yourself in a costume, it's just not real enough."
I tell her my stock I-AM-GAY-halloween stories:
I wore my mom's dress in order to be a Wizard
My mom helped me stuff my bra senior year so I could be a hooker
She painted my face like a cat because I loved cats, but that wasn't halloween.
It's endless.
I don't really like Napolean Dynamite but Alice's post ironic ironic take on her outfit seems so pomoaprospo.
Alice is all
"Are you supposed to be a Chanel purse?"
Pony and Nasty pretend that they are related, like fraternal twins. They could totally be twins.
Cupcake comes in and I'm all
I thought you weren't coming
and he's all
"No, I decided that I should."
I'm glad
"Me too"
His new haircut is particularly fetching without his glasses on.
When I check out the dance floor the guy who looked at me on his way in is queening it up on the floor. I want to dance so bad so I hand the door off the Nasty so I can go pee,
Rchrd Oh?! is in there so I smack him on the ass, then go dance.
Lucy is not here.
Vanderbuilt is not here.
Back at the door a bunch of people from the Buffalo Exchange come in. They are all like
"Is Dino here yet?"
And I'm all
I heard she's not coming
and they're al
"What?!"
Dino pokes her head in and I'm all
You better get in here because people have been asking for you all night,
I go out and stand with her while she smokes and hang out.
It's already 1am and I'm trying to get another drink before I hand over the money.
But Dad's so busy. Santa and the tree and the child are still dancing inside the small house.
Around and around and around.
I give Rchrd Oh?! the money and he's all
"Is it 1?"
and I'm like
It's even later!!
I get on the dancefloor and Dino is there immediately, and Nasty with her camera.
Dino is all
"Are you dancing like your mother?"
and I'm all
Um...I guess so.
Phyllis shows up so late as per usual.
I'm like
You're late!
and he's like
"I know"
Are you having fun?
"Well I just started my whiskey so not yet..."
Dad turns on the lights early and everyone is
"What?!"
But Rchrd Oh?! complies.
I run around and get all the glasses and put them on the counter, then get my payout and head outside to the crowds.
Pony and me and Phyllis get in a cab with Boyf, but I'm in the front.
At Phyllis's we sit in his back room porch area with the door open. It rains outside but it's warm and nice in here.
He breaks down his living arrangement. His roomates, the layout of the apartment, and rent prices...
They all smoke pot.
Pony and Boyf and me walk the block home and turn on the t.v. I eat some potato chips. I eat alot of potato chips.
Pony is like
"Can I go to bed?"
Which means
Would you guys go upstairs so I can sleep on your couch?
My eyes itch so I slide my contacts around.
I take two sleeping pills, but only realize after, I meant to take one, but I'm so drunk.
Cupcake and new friend AC
nu twins
Rchrd Oh?! spins with no hands
Ugly me and standoffish Boyf
We get home five minutes after Boyf, he's on the couch smoking pot and watching t.v.
I cook up a TJ's pizza, then walk the dogs.
I dress:
Black jeans (duh)
Black vans with NEW fat black laces
a tanktop
an orange sort of ribbon woven vest in 3XL from the thrift sore
Boyf says the vest is very bahai, very renn faire bisexual college proffessor.
Agent fully supports the vest, while Pony thinks it's too big.
But can it get smaller?
He says we can fix it, later.
I go back up and switch out the tank for an off white sleeveless T that shows off my arms well and hangs just loose enough around the waist. I top it off with an imitation chanel purse strap (gold chain with black leather ribbon and tassel) that I bought thinking it was a belt or necklace. No one ever notices though.
Curl eyelashes, diorshow. Flatiron and dry shampoo, shake it up.
Pony and I head out to the BART.
He is stoned and funny. Wearing a Chalayan coat a vintage old man hat and Nudies.
I love the Nudies.
On Turk by 6th st in front of the Sex Arcade some guy asks Pony where he got his hat.
He says
"A thrift store"
It's not the best neighborhood for casual conversation,
but best not to ignore people either.
We get to AC's at 10:05.
Rchrd Oh?! is already in the back messing with levels.
The place is overloades with Christmas decor.
Of note is the large sledge with a stuffed santa hanging from the
low ceiling over the center of the bar.
Dad has to half duck to avoid it when he passes.
There's also a small village of christmassy model homes snuggled
warmly around the tv by the front door, and another village on a snowy ledge above the dance floor.
When Rchrd Oh?! turns the dance lights on half the village is strobed
and laser beamed.
My favorite piece is the house perched on top of the register,
through it's tiny front windows I can see Santa, a child, and a Christmas tree
dancing, in a circle.
New favorite Coco is here with her sleek chic hair cut, faux Chanel earrings and many many necklaces.
Dad makes a face when I order an old fashioned.
To soften the blow I tell him he makes them better than any other bar I've been too.
Which is true.
Coco entertains me and Pony with tales of babysitting rich kids in hotels.
When Pony goes to smoke and get money I ask her about getting her masters.
Turns out she's a doctor. A DOCTOR. She's 25.
She's all
"Nice purse strap"
I'm all
I thought it was a necklace
Pony looks at me like I'm dumb.
After filling up popcorn baskets I retreat to my post by the door. It's 10:45 and it's still just the 5 of us.
I text Cupcake, who is not coming. I call Alice who does not answer.
Witchie and two friends show up at 11.
One of them recognizes me from the art store on Haight. I was there two days ago,
we half chat till Witchie drags her to the dancefloor.
Soon Nasty shows. She's wearing a cute tanky top with lipsticks all over it.
She has her camera. She gets a drink.
We chat it up, and fill each other in on the two weeks we haven't seen each other.
Her wallet is gone, stolen or lost, so she only has an out of date passport.
In the picture she looks remarkably like Alice, till now their family resemblance has been lost on me.
She's all
"I like that you are wearing a purse strap as a necklace"
A few pairs of folks come in but when they here about the cover they turn heel. I bet cupcakes would up the intrigue.
Some folks come in, but they know Rchrd Oh?!
Brandicorn comes in. He doesn't work tomorrow so we're hoping lots of boys
show up so he can stay up late kissing them.
Boyf is here. He gets a beer and sits with me for just a minute.
Brandicorn tells me he's going to Vietnam soon.
He's traveling alone.
He relates a story about this total fag that works for his company that he
ran into the other night. This older gay guy with a bald spot and totally
bleached out hair. Brandicorn told the guy that he has trouble meeting guys and the guy was all
"I don't know what you're talking about, I find it REALLY EASY to meet guys, I meet guys ALL THE TIME."
I'm all
He is probably desperate with no standards, that's why he's so easy, and it's so easy.
(I'm two old fashioneds in.)
In Mean Girls Lindsay Lohan's character realizes that calling someone fat doesn't make you skinny, and calling someone ugly doesn't make you pretty.
However calling someone easy does make you morally superior. I can feel the moral superiority.
Nasty's camera comes out. I request portraits by the prize machine, as per usual.
A group of 5 fags, not all ugly come in. They ALL know Rchrd Oh?!
I'm like
Great
I catch one of them peeking at me when I'm checking i.d.s.
He's cute. I realize I'm looking back at him, then I blush.
But I'm in the red lights.
The rest of them seem queeny.
Dad gives me another Old Fashioned and a bottle of water.
Alice comes in with Dig.
She's dressed like Napolean Dynamite.
She's wearing a Napolean Dynamite t-shirt.
She's also wearing a puffy jacket and those puffy snow boots.
She's sort of giving a little Deb. But more like one of those little kid costumes with the plastic mask.
She's all
"I'm wearing this shirt and I feel like one of those kids in one of those halloween costumes that's plastic and it has a picture of who they are supposed to be on it, like a little girl wearing a rainbow brite outfit, but she has rainbow brite's face on her chest or something. I always thought those kids were cheating when I was younger. You can't reference yourself in a costume, it's just not real enough."
I tell her my stock I-AM-GAY-halloween stories:
I wore my mom's dress in order to be a Wizard
My mom helped me stuff my bra senior year so I could be a hooker
She painted my face like a cat because I loved cats, but that wasn't halloween.
It's endless.
I don't really like Napolean Dynamite but Alice's post ironic ironic take on her outfit seems so pomoaprospo.
Alice is all
"Are you supposed to be a Chanel purse?"
Pony and Nasty pretend that they are related, like fraternal twins. They could totally be twins.
Cupcake comes in and I'm all
I thought you weren't coming
and he's all
"No, I decided that I should."
I'm glad
"Me too"
His new haircut is particularly fetching without his glasses on.
When I check out the dance floor the guy who looked at me on his way in is queening it up on the floor. I want to dance so bad so I hand the door off the Nasty so I can go pee,
Rchrd Oh?! is in there so I smack him on the ass, then go dance.
Lucy is not here.
Vanderbuilt is not here.
Back at the door a bunch of people from the Buffalo Exchange come in. They are all like
"Is Dino here yet?"
And I'm all
I heard she's not coming
and they're al
"What?!"
Dino pokes her head in and I'm all
You better get in here because people have been asking for you all night,
I go out and stand with her while she smokes and hang out.
It's already 1am and I'm trying to get another drink before I hand over the money.
But Dad's so busy. Santa and the tree and the child are still dancing inside the small house.
Around and around and around.
I give Rchrd Oh?! the money and he's all
"Is it 1?"
and I'm like
It's even later!!
I get on the dancefloor and Dino is there immediately, and Nasty with her camera.
Dino is all
"Are you dancing like your mother?"
and I'm all
Um...I guess so.
Phyllis shows up so late as per usual.
I'm like
You're late!
and he's like
"I know"
Are you having fun?
"Well I just started my whiskey so not yet..."
Dad turns on the lights early and everyone is
"What?!"
But Rchrd Oh?! complies.
I run around and get all the glasses and put them on the counter, then get my payout and head outside to the crowds.
Pony and me and Phyllis get in a cab with Boyf, but I'm in the front.
At Phyllis's we sit in his back room porch area with the door open. It rains outside but it's warm and nice in here.
He breaks down his living arrangement. His roomates, the layout of the apartment, and rent prices...
They all smoke pot.
Pony and Boyf and me walk the block home and turn on the t.v. I eat some potato chips. I eat alot of potato chips.
Pony is like
"Can I go to bed?"
Which means
Would you guys go upstairs so I can sleep on your couch?
My eyes itch so I slide my contacts around.
I take two sleeping pills, but only realize after, I meant to take one, but I'm so drunk.
Cupcake and new friend AC
nu twins
Rchrd Oh?! spins with no hands
Ugly me and standoffish Boyf
omg bisexual renn faire college professor, so good. so soon. xo
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