Dancing Like My Mother

At home I fry up a buffalo burger with two slices of cheese.
While it cooks I microwave leftover apple pie, which tastes entirely too clovey.

On the couch I watch a rerun of MTV's Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Duel. The one in which Beth gets eliminated on a technicality. Boyf and the dogs huddle around a newly purchased space heater.

I dress:
Tight black jeans, new
An under tank
A new vintage cardigan sweater vest in cream with brown detailing and buttons
A vintage fur stole, with heads, tails and legs in tact, minus a few claws.

I flatiron, curl and mascara (diorshow) eyelashes. Matte finish hair creme.
Add extra mascara under each eye, so I have doll eyes. DOLL EYES.

Pony moves the rest of his stuff into the hallway by the front door. He's moving today. Sadness reigns. His jeans are raw denim and so tight, he's been wearing them for two days in an effort to stretch them out. My jeans are so tight that my kneess snap back when I walk, everything below my waist is pressed in.

I scoot to AC's.

It's 10:05 but none of the kids are here, just regulars sipping beers and eating crock pot food from plastic plates.
Dad is all
"You look like Hitler"
He pushes my bangs back. He's all
"Do you want some food before I put it away"
I just ate, thanks though.

I call Rchrd Oh?!
I'm all
Where are you guys
"On our way"
I got worried because you guys are late
"I can't hear you"
Ok bye.

I set up the table and dad pours me a surprisingly weak redbullvodka.
Struthers and Houston show up. They went to Volver at the new WESTFIELD SHOPPING CENTRE.
They say Penelope Cruz's tits looked great in the movie, they lament that they weren't naked more.
Struthers has an OP thermal on. It's all sailboats and windblown. I tell her I heard OP is coming back.


Cupcake, Rchrd Oh?! and Lucy come in. Lucy's wearing the cutest striped tunicy tulipy dress with super short bangs.
Cupcake sports his longish and growing hair and full beard. He unpacks chipotle chocolate torte cupcakes with cinnamon creme and almonds on top. What the fuck? Like forreal? I eat one. I congratulate Cupcake.

Dad gives me the envelope, Rchrd Oh?! turns up the music and off the lights, the regulars and crockpot diners stream out.
I fill popcorn baskets, and some styrofoam plates and spread them on the bar.
Bloody Mallory plays on the tv-s, we've seen this before at Hold Yr Horses, but it's fucking amazing. Some french horror movie about a demon slayer and her oddball team of demon slayers, there's: talkative taylor (psychic mute child with mind control powers), shishi (tranny demon slayer with really sharp finger nails), Mallory (slighted bride of a werewolf with fingerless redleather gloves that read e-v-i-l s-u-c-k-s on the knuckles.

It's 10:30 but it's still us. Cupcake says he wants to cut his hair because he looks like a hippy but I'm all
You like like a dirty San Francisco Indie hipster
He seems unswayed by my assesment.
Struthers shares a drink with Houston, and shakes it in her chair.

Rchrd Oh?! is all
"I don't allow fur in my club that better be fake"
Cupcake is all
"Is that real? gross..."
Lucy is all
"That stole is cute."
She works at LV so I'm going with her.

A crowd of four kids show up. The first guy doesn't have money, I'm all
"Are all your friends going to say the same thing?"
I let him in but his friends pay. I recognize them from Shadowplay.
The two Shadowplay go-go dancers show up.
Inline with the new IDEVERYONE policy, I id everyone, most people are surprisngly older than they appear.

Lucy is behind the bar and I'm all
Dad, what is she doing behind there?!
He's all
"She's my partner"
But I thought you were gay
"Well I just pretend her clit is a really small penis and I suck it all night long"
Struthers and Houston lose it. I mime sucking on a very small penis.
Microphallus.
Enlarged Clitoris.


Anjie and his two girly friends come in, I don't charge him. Lucy offers them Cupcakes and the blonde is all
"I had one earlier, I was there when Cupcake made them"
Lucy is all
"Oh, you're my replacement."
Awkward.
I count the money.

I tell Anjie
I've never really met you
He's all
"You're Boyf, right?"
No, Host
"We met at JB's birthday last year"
I don't remember
"I like your haircut."
Thanks

Demons burst out of pregenant stomach's in Mallory's world. I'm all
Did you see that?!
to Houston. She's like
"I can't stop watching..."

Nasty comes in with a new asym bob. Cute. I tell her to tease up the back so she looks extra spesh. ART is with her, we double cheek kiss.
They both pet the stole.

Sparkle comes in with a friend.
He's all
"Hey!"
Hey
"This is my friend Naomi"

She's cute with a tank top and a multistrand microbeaded necklace, all indigenous fetishy.
It's awkward so I'm all
Ok, Well, I guess I'll see you guys in there, on the dance floor
I shrug crookedly and smile, crookedly.

Alice comes in wearing an ADIDAS Parka, cute black flats with metal detailing gray stockings and a Mika Miko aqua tshirt. Totally adorbs, oh and a grey clip in ribbon in her hair.

Dig pops in and flashes a scooter rearview mirror at me, then bounces outside to install it on my scooter.
I refill a popcorn basket and get another redbullvodka.

Dino comes in wearing a red vintagey coat over a black and red sailor top with black pants and red suspenders. We hug. Hard. She's straight to the bar.

Boyf comes in cold. Everyone is cold. It's so cold. The door is closed, it's always open. People dart in and out quickly to smoke.

A few more newbies come in, then the girls show up. Rox is wearing this cute gold chain fastened with a gold safety pin,
I want one and she's all
"I'll make you one"
We agree on a trade, two bandannas for one necklace.

Brandicorn shows up wearing red flannel. Totally cute and a shorter haircut. We talk about his recent absence from the gay world and Cupcake interrupts, we make tentative holiday plans.

The music rocks. Everyone dances. I'm leaning on the bar when Pony comes in
You all moved?
"Yes"
We're going to miss you.
He leans on the bar with Boyf and they order drinks. It's getting kind of full.
At 11:30 I stop drinking. I have to drive home. So I'm done drinking.

Vanderbuilt is here. I didn't notice her come in, she must have been with a crowd. She's wearing a fitted modern leather jacket with little black leather driving gloves, and her hair is all down and in her face. She's bringing sexy back.
I'm all
You look great, you're bringing sexy back
she's all
"I stopped with the blow"
OH!
she orders another drink. Her bangs are all sexy and sweaty and in her face. She's as party as ever. I lean over to Nasty and I'm all
She always wears dresses and is super cute, but look how sexy she is right now! In a leather jacket!
I read in my new favorite gay mag (DETAILS) that leather jackets make everyone look like douchebags.
Vanderbuilt is a solid counterargument.

When Boyf comes by I tell him how hot Vanderbuilt is and he's all
"I know"
Then we talk about his new project, his business plan. I get really excited and nervous, it's the redbull, so I get a water.
Sparkle walks by and grabs Boyf's stomach
I'm all
Did he just grab your stomach?
"Yeah, like this" then he grabs my stomach.
Totally Weird
Boyf agrees, and raises his eyebrows.

I'm all
I have to go to the bathroom
and Vanderbuilt is all
"I'll do the door"
I very obviously hesitate, she's all
"You don't trust me.."
When I hand her the money folder she drops it. I'm off to the dance floor and rest room
ART stops me and we chat it up about fashion. I tell him he always has amazing pieces, as he shakes a tamborine to the beat of Rchrd Oh?!'s top 40.
He's all
"I've only ever seen you in tank tops, but it's a good look for you, you know, all that skin..."
I pee quick and pat Rchrd Oh?! on the ass on my way back.

Vanderbuilt is still there.
Anjie comes by and he's all
"Sorry I thought you were Boyf, I really like your haircut."
He turns to Boyf
"I really like your mustache. Is Agent coming? I'm going to text him."
He's dissapointed that there's not more gay boys.
AC's is notorious I guess for it's trashy faggots, but HYH is usually some fags, and lots of ladies, straight ladies. The fags that do come do know how to trash it up though. I've seen it,
in the bathroom.

Cupcake and Nasty come around with cameras as per usual. I pose with Lucy and Nasty and Alice.

Teeny and Toddy show up. They just got out of practice. They're all cold when we hug. Toddy seeks out Brandicorn while me and Teeny chat about her recent relationship ishes. Toddy comes back and the three of us talk about their show on Thursday at the Rickshaw, right in front of the door, people try to get past us, but we don't move. I laugh at it.

Then they leave.
Nasty comes up and she's all
"Members of Finest Dearest were here."
Yeah I used to be in that band
"They are friends with this guy I'm into, he's in this other band"
Oh, I've never heard of that other band. I'll ask them about him, do you want to go to the show on Thursday?
We make drunk plans to go to the show, I'll myspace you.

It's already 1am and I am so sober, I ask Dad for a RedbulJUSTredbull. It tastes suspicious though. I get on the dancefloor and shake it shake it.
Sparkle is all
"I should through paint on you, for wearing that fur"
I'm all
That would be hot, like, what color?
"Red. You throw red paint on fur"
I'm TOTALLY into it
"Those used to be alive"
They used to be someone's grandma's and I'm really into grandma's.
He smiles. I think. I dance. The stole jumps around like it's alive. Gross. I throw it on a bench with my sweater.

Nasty is drinking Old Fashioneds. I got her hooked two weeks ago. I take a sip, a generous one. We dance. She takes pictures. Cupcake jumps on a bench and takes pictures.
Dino and I cut it up in the corner. I hate the mirrors tonight. I just can't look at them too long. I feel really full. Of cupcakes redbull and popcorn. I tell Dino she dances like my newyorkcity friends.
She's all
"Is that good?"
I think so. We toss it around for two and a half songs, but I get a stitch in my side so I go pee.

Back on the floor I get Boyf to come over and dance with Cupcake. It's like old times, we dance all up on him. It's fun. I'm glad Cupcake is my friend. Right now I'm so glad to be here, with the motley loose crew of HYH regulars. The girls dance in a circle. OURLADY just jumps around, her hair is new too, real short.
I'm all
You cut your hair
"I needed a change"
Then we both say
I/You always cut my/your hair.
I'm all
I didnt know you had a boyfriend then Rox told me and I was bummed because I thought you were mine.
"We can still have babies."
Excellent.

The lights seem crazy. Really bright and flashy, everyone is dancing. EVERYONE. Some impossibly young looking guy, who came in after I left the door takes off his shirt and rubs his chest, he's up on this girl, then this guy. I'm all
That guy is on ECSTASY
Boyf is all
"TOTALLY"
It's hilarious.
ART takes off his shirt and dances with the X guy.
When I give Rchrd Oh?! the money he kisses me on the mouth, I squeeze him a little.
That song that Agent played over and over at Thanksgiving comes on, I'm all
Yah Yah Yah Yah, like with the song. I love this song. I try to dance really good to this song.

Phyllis comes in. Really cold. Trailing cold. I'm all
PHYLLIS, everyone is all
"PHYLLIS"

I hug him.

Lo and Graham are here. They must've come in after I got off the door. Lo is dancing like an old queen. He's sort of traispsing around the dance floor with his shoulders and hips swinging, his hands out and moving like birds. Vanderbuilt comes by and she's all
"Have you met Graham"
I nod toward the floor,
Yeah he's dancing!
She's all
No that's Lo, this is Graham
Shit. I just confused them, their names
I'm all
Duh, we've met like a billion times.
Lo sashays by. I'm in love with his dancing. He just circles people. That's how you know when he's dancing with you.

I look around at the strangers and my friends. All my friends look like people from magazines. Like in PAPER or NYLON when they have a page or a few paragraphs about a new designer or acgtor or musician who is real cool but just below the radar. My friends all look like they could be in a magazine like that. I'm glad.

I get Nasty to get Boyf to dance low to the ground like likes too. He shrugs her off and grabs his orange knit scarf, dancing with his fashion. Eventually he wears down though, and they go down, like ass on the ground down. I point and scream.

I dance with Lucy and her short bangs then Vanderbuilt and her wet bangs and the tambourine then Pony and a little with Sparkle. I sort of dance with this guy who might be a girl too, and also with the girls.
Rchrd Oh?! gets me to ask Dad if we could have one more song and he says yes.
We all dance to a cover of Guns N Roses. It's too fun.
The lights come on and Dad announces that we shold donate underwear pants and socks to SFGENERAL, Vanderbuilt drukenly talks over him then stops. I collect glasses and trash.
On the way out Boyf is all
"Dad, I'm so glad you're back, you are such a great part of this club" referring to Dad's recent 6week hiatus.

My jeans are so much looser. They cling still, but they aren't snapback tight, they aren't press tight.

Outside everyone gathers in crowds, trying to make plans or share cabs or unlock bikes, till Rchrd Oh?! comes out and tells us we have to go, neighbors. He slips a wad of money into the hole next to my pocket, so it's in the lining of my coat, and I give it to Nasty for the Knife ticket I bought off her, she already forgot I owed her.

I put on my helmet, then talk about movies with Cupcake.
I forget I have my helmet on till I hug Rchrd Oh?! good bye, then I dare him to make out with me
He mouths my mouth vent.

I get on the scoot, and Dig is all
"USE THE CHOKE"
then I scoot away like an asshole.



Pony, lost in the crowd, frozen in the headlights


Sparkle dancing


Oh, that's your lovely Host


Boyf fingers Lucy


Dino and Nasty get ready for a nap


Alice faux spins and Rchrd Oh?! faux dances


All photos by Nasty, or someone.

Posted by Johnny at 2:26 AM | Permalink | Comments

I am counting out change at work, closing the registers, Twinjob leans on the counter next to me trying to break my focus with questions about the night ahead.
He sports newly coiffed hair, tint highlights and cut.
I've got black straight hair and his is a rich chocolatey curly style.
At work everyone is like
Your brother is Really Cute
Almost disbelievingly. Like they mean
I thought you were twins, your brother is Really Cute.

I say thanks. I'm not fishing for anything.

We leave at 6:30 and scoot to the mish, the wind is biting, and San Francisco drivers prove nonsensical, slowing for green lights and speeding up to reds, braking mid blcok for a turn that's 30 feet ahead.

At home we walk the dogs and eat more Thanksgiving leftovers.
I change from the really tight work jeans Twinjob just can't get over, into really tight going out black denim and my black and gold high top Puma's.
Ohio pees on Twinjob so he changes from a white customized hoody to a gray customized hoody.
He's mad that the dog peed on him and he had to change.
We argue over the decidedly casual fit of his denim, which he claims is slim fit, and I'm all
Those are baggy
He's all
"Compared to your denim leggings..."

We laze about and watch half of CSI:Miami.
It's a family thing.
Twinjob is all
"It is so cold"
Sorry it's not Miami
"Is the club cold?"
Yeah, they put out buckets of ice to maintain the temperature
"No. I mean is it a cold club"
That is totally ridiculous
"No, you know how some clubs or bars are just always cold, some bars in Newyorkcity are like that"
I don't know what you are talking about, it is a normal club, with heating.

We scoot to Bottom of Hell. The cold has not let up, I'm nervous about rain.
Scooting in the rain is bad enough but with his weight on the back
I'd for sure spill us on one of the hills.

We pay the $10 each and get our hands stamped.
It is empty.
We came early because I thought it would sell out and it is EMPTY.
Twinsey isn't here yet.
I call her, she's still waiting for the bus.
When I come back inside Twinjob is drinking a Miller High Life, I jump on him then get stuck fixing my hair in the mirror
He's all
"Why did we get here so early?"
In case it sold out
"Really? There is no one here"
I part and repart my hair
I'm all
Those two people at the end of the bar are in Les Georges Leningrad.
Twinjob is NOT impressed.
He wants gum, we hoof it up three steep hills to the corner market. He buys gum flavored gum. Outside I rip my horoscope out of the SFWeekly
TJ(Twinjob) tries to read it but he's all
I can't concentrate on this right now
Really? It's the shortest one on the page.

On our way back I ask TJ if he ever thinks we are meant to live together because we aren't whole people without each other.
Once it's out of my mouth my stomach turns with codependent embarrassment.
Twinsey calls, she's at the club.
I see her down the block and wave, but she doesn't wave back
I'm all
GOD, now I'm waving at strangers
really loud, so the stranger can hear, but it is Twinsey and she is giggling uncontrollably, it's the Twinniness of the sitch. She just came back from visiting her twin sister yesterday.
We all hug our hellos and head inside. The place is filling up, a little.
We accidentally stand under a heating duct/blower that is blowing cold air.
My brother is all
"I told you it wasn't a stupid question"
Twinsey is all
"What question?"
I explain the earlier discussion about cold clubs.

We go outside to sit because the night will be full of standing.
Twinjob tells Twinsey about his job, I ask Twinsey about my art and show her a new bandanna. I can hear pounding coming from inside the club.
We go in.

On stage there are three boys, one on bass, one on keys, one drumming. A girlish woman with awkward uglynonugly grown out hair leans barefooted against the edge of the stage with a beer bottle in one hand and a mic in the other. This is either Lemonade, San Francisco psychedelic/dance/noise, or Duchess Says, Quebeceze LGL pals. The music is noisy, and dancey, the singer goes through fits of apparent posession (eyes rolled back, twitching) childish dancing (walking like an egyptian) and absolute boredom (sitting on the stage squeezed between the monitors).
I love it. TJ and Twinsey love it.
The singer wears a LGL shirt, I'm guessing this is Duccess Says. Then they perform a song in which the main lyric is Duchess Says.
A girl in short shorts dark stockings and ballet flats dances all shoulders elbows and hips, arty sexy dancing right up front, right in the singer's face. I cringe.
After thouroughly freaking out and trashing her keytar the lead singer beckons this tall unfortunate dude to the edge of the stage. She gets on his shoulders. He carries her into the crowd during the song, bopping and spinning. She leans back and the crowd catches her. After the song from her spot laying on the floor she says in a slurred sweet french accent
"I don't know what happened...
I was tired, so in ze van I drank
two
Red Buulls. I thought I am too tired for ze show
Then I made to vomit. Then I came here and
felt like vomit again.
I don't know what happened..."

When they are through I buy a cd, Les Georges Leningrad, and two buttons. We go to the scooter so I can store my merch.
Outside we chat about my not so recent departure from Finest Dearest and Twinsey's upcoming audition for a radio show at her school, Stanford.
She lists some of her favorite bands at my request, they are all kind of loud bands. Twinsey is wearing:
Black flat shoes
Blue Jeans
A black skirt, or longish shirt over the jeans
A black top with some nice detailing
Her hair back with a thin plastic headband
Glasses.
I like that despite her mild appearence (no peircings, tattoos, or fashion bouffants) she likes edgier music.

We go back to the smoking patio where TJ picks up the smoldering butt of a half smoked cigarette and finishes it off.
We talk about our tenuous high school links to Asobi Seksu.
But who is James Hannah? After vague memories and descriptions it's determined that I am in fact thinking of Jay Stare.
Diabolical comes up. I describe how she makes me feel like I might commit suicide or have anonymous sex at any moment.
Twinsey looks at me with all sinecerity and says
"She can still do that? She still makes people feel that way?"
TJ brings up the Highs School reunion. He can't wait. I want to go dressed as a woman. I'm all
It's going to suck, having to be like 'Yeah, I work part time at a salon, and basically party and make unfamous art'
Twinsey is all
"Are you happy though?"
I guess
She's all
"It will suck that I'll have to say 'I'm getting my doctorate in Japenese literature' then watch people's faces change, eyes widen, and say 'Oh, that's interesting"
I could see how that's annoying, having to explain your major all the time and answer the same questions, and maybe make people feel uncomfortable with your academia.
I decide that some of my friends from high school were definitley Cunts.
I ask Twinsey to please excuse my language, use of the word Cunt.

There's some rumbling inside. It must be LGL. I'm too psyched.
Inside on the stage are three guys, one drummer, one guitar, one long haired guy standing next to some gongish instruments with a mic in his hand. Lemonade.
If I named my band Lemonade I'd be concerned people would free associate and think of pee, urine, everytime they heard the name. I think of pee.
They start playing. The lead singer pulls a plastic brighly colored mask over his face, we walk back outside to the sound of a looped gong and arythmic dancedrumming.
It's getting late.

We talk more about High School and who's doing what. LGL members are going back and forth from back stage.

At midnight we are back inside. The stage has two large white cardboard cutouts of hand drawn bats (the animals, not the sporting equipment). They take the stage: Poney dressed in a black party dress with yellow pokadots and a short black wig worn backwards. The drummer is dressed as a caveman superhero, as per usual, this time with chains hanging off his faux fur collar. The keyboardist wears a homemande gold mexican wrestling mask with eyebrows and mowhawk sewn on, and a gold top with large music note and lightening appliques.
The set starts as a wall of noise with driving mounting drums.
A dude in an ugly shirt (zippers on the shoulders and vents down the front) dances crazy. He doesn't dance as much as mosh. Everyone else is dancing, bopping, maybe bumping, but not moshing. He bumps into a well dressed (sweater collared shirt, trousers and vintage shoes) guy in front of me, who pushes him severly. There's almost a fight.
The dude in the ugly shirt, bad hair too(blond and spiked up or pushed back with gel and sweat, like how I desperately wanted my hair to look in the fifth grade) keeps knocking into people. Douche bag.
Their set is dancier than usual.
The drummer breaks a stick over his head in a show of TRUE MASCULINITY, then runs off stage to search for another one. I'm glad I'm not closer because he spits a whole lot.
At one point I have to protect Twinsey from the flailing douche bag. He almost knocks her over. I try to get a kick in but he bounces away too soon.

I'm struck by the artifice of menace that LGL put out there. But how that makes them seem actually really menacing. Because to me, only someone really crazy or weird, or smart, dangerously smart, could think up what they do and not let fear of obviousness get in the way.

We leave immediately after their set. TJ and I walk Twinsey to her busstop.
As we scoot over Potrero hill I scream sing
AY EE EYE EE OH AYE EEE
One of LGL's lyrics.
TJ laughs.

Posted by Johnny at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments

You stop at the laundromat to get your tickets.
Les is in there by herself, doing laundry.
You're all
We'll have to share a cocktail later

She's all
"Defnitely Honey!"

At home you steam some chicken dumplings and eat some chips.
The dogs lie on you while you watch CSI: Miami.
Agent is in the shower, so you walk the dogs.

You take a swig of Jameson. Pony gets home and you are all
We have to go soon

He's quiet. More than usual so. You change into:
Black overall shorts, tight and stretchy
Two tank tops, one white, one "flesh tone"
Fancy black shoes
Brown knee high vintage socks
You straighten your hair, again
You make it very very smooth and straight
You spray it solid

Pony wears a red burgundy tank wblack slacks a slender vest a black merino wool cardigan and his voluminous gray scarf.
Pony smokes pot,
you curl your lashes apply mascara and eye gloss.

You leave at 8pm-ish.
Walking to the BART you talk so fast, You talk about the lack of full length mirrors in the house, you talk about money for the night ahead. You are a million miles a minute, and Pony is still stoned.

On the BART platform you talk about Newyork, and making theater. The good years of life, or whatever.
The BART comes quick. On the way out at Civic Center station you pass a guy playing the violin, "experimentally" or poorly.
Pony is all
"He is here all the time. He didn't always have a violin, then one day he showed up with one"
Out on the street it's colder than in the Mish.

You apologize to Pony for being so hyper, so hyped up, as you walk around CivicCenter proper you share stories about Pride, which turns into stories about exboyfriends. You stop for gum. Bubblicious original.

As you get closer to the venue the sidewalk slowly fills with freaks, drag queen, night clubbers, and the common masses.
Onc eyou are in Pony scouts out the bar. The line is so so long.
You scan the room and say
You know I was worried that I'd feel ugly around here, with this crowd. But I think It's going to be ok.
You tell Pony that the two of you look like two outfits from the same line.
Slender sillouhettes,fancy shoes,boyish touches,formal touches.
You chew your gum and blow big big bubbles, whishing Struthers was around.

At the front of the line you both order
WHISKEY AND COKE
2 each. That is 16$ for two drinks. Each.

You down one. They are strong but small.
You go to the main room and check it out, try to check jackets, for a too large fee. Finish the drinks and go outside for cigarettes and more money. Outside you run into The Seventh Heart crew, Les, Viv, and Poke. Les and Poke both flag Horseface, you too. You'll meet them inside, they're on THE LIST.

Pony and you stake it out by some kids dancing liek crazy. There's this black girl with silver lycra pants and a vintagey 80's workout suit top, and her partner in crime a dude with a blond weft glued down the middle of his head, they are all old school Voguing-Paris-Is-Burning-Work-The-Floor-Girl. You drop your outerwear on the floor and dance. The room is so big, it's Vast. There's a projection on the screen on the stage, and a balcony around the top of the whole room.

Les, Viv, and Poke show up. You lament the long bar lines and drool at the House of Ninja kids. Pony and you decide to cut the bar line. Someone on line recognizes Pony from work. The guy is all
"You look so different without your suit"

Back with The Seventh Heart-ers drinks in hand the show starts.
There's an opening number. Heklina is working an amazing pink sequin gown with some hip augmentation harkening to Versace and McQueen's recent sillouhettes.
Then they introduce the judges, then guest stars, including Parker Posey. You want to dance. You like Parker Posey. You like drag, but you want to dance.

The show starts, the contestants are introduced. You move up. You cut in front of the crowd all wearing themed costumes and hoop skirts.
It's the Bathing Suit competition, then the performances.
Someone is passed out on the edge of the stage and Heklina has to beg for someone to drag him out of there. A stage hand, or someone playing a stagehand comes out to mop wearing beautiful high pants, which are corseted above the waist.
The performances are good, but nothing makes you want to die, you go to the bathroom twice, then you and Pony walk out so he can smoke. Some girl has collapsed near the entrance, and an ambulance arrives to pull her out.

When you go back in you go for drinks with Pony, then try to sneak backstage but are quickly expelled.
You watch Jupitor dance naked. She's a big black quen with body paints and a troupe of girls with big hair and bellies.
They annonce the winner, Raya Light, you left when her performance started, you were too drunk for the extra long Kate Bush intro song and dramatics.

You run into Toph and his boyfriend. Maybe it's the drunk but he seems out of it, or not as excited to see you as you are to see him. He gets you backstage where you run into Mate. He takes your picture. It's bad. He takes it again, again bad. Everyone keeps pushing on a door you're leaning on, trying to get out to smoke but it's locked.
You say
IT'S LOCKED
like a billion times, but no one believes you.

Pony finds the guy who made the stagehand's pants.

You leave with Pony and Mate. Everyone is going to Playboy. You threaten to walk home but they get you in a cab. At the Stud you get stuck on the phone, pacing up and down the alley, checking out your face and hair in car window reflections, you watch people arrive and leave. Mate appears and takes your pic again. He shows you and it's ok.
Pony is ready to go. You haven't even gone in.

It's got to be around 2am. Mate is going in a different cab.

At home Boyf is awake, after a long work day.
You put on sweats and pass out.

Posted by Johnny at 4:05 PM | Permalink | Comments

I eat a half a pound of brie, and some havarti. I fold some towels then, leave work.
At home I put on my new black jeans
A black and white striped tank top
A black cardigan with vintage broach
Untied high top Vans

Boyf is off to band practice, I lay on the couch with the dogs and watch CSI:Miami. My stomach churns and slides around.
After the show I get on the scooter and head to SOMA. I bring a bandanna for Donimo's birthday gift.

When I arrive Cupcake is at the bar looking very very handsome with his longish growing hair, and his longist growing scruff, especially in the bar light, with no glasses.
Struthers shows up, she asks for gum, I have some in my scooter. We go out side, and each take a piece. Bubblicious Original.
It's all big in my mouth and smells like lipgloss scented like bubble gum. We go back inside and say hello to Rchrd Oh?!
He's tired. He's been partying, he says, for 10 days with only one day off. Last night he went to Tubesteak and drank all night.

My right eye is dry, and itchy. But just my right eye. Struthers and I have a bubble blowing contest. She wins most of the time, but I get a few good ones.

Some people from the other night show up. Wonder and his crowd, some of the people that were with PJ.
One of Wonder's friends is really good looking. Maybe not really good looking, as much as better looking than most people here.

I give Domino his bandanna. He likes it. It's awkward though, because I am painfully sober.
The cheese sluggishness wears off and I want to dance, or hug someone, or jump around.
Pony shows up with a LITea. I make fun of him for it. I'm the second person to.

Struthers gives me a sip of her whiskey and ginger then blows the biggest bubble yet.
I go for more gum, and spit out my old piece, she just adds the two together, and works
her jaw hard. Our first few are total failures. Something about the gum being newish and softer.
Then she blows the hugist one yet, I spit out my gum.

I go outside with Pony and Rchrd Oh?! for smoking. Rchrd Oh?! tells us about a wierd dream in which a hump back whale chased him down and almost ate him. I tell them about the time last week when I woke up but couldn't move, and tried so hard to say something, to wake Boyf so he could move me or something. All I could do was breathe heavy. Also the dream I had last night when I felt a big pointy hand grabbing onto my face but I couldn't see anything. I woke up but the sleeping pills kept pulling me under, I tried so hard to rollover and grab Boyf, I think I moaned a little bit.

We go inside. Struthers and Cupcake are sitting with two people I don't no. I get Struthers to dance with me. She's such a good dancer, I haven't had anything to drink so placing my feet is a little less certain. I ask her if she thinks she dances like her mother, she's all
"No. Well....maybe"

The music is pretty good. I'm used to Rchrd Oh?!'s HYH sets, this is darker, and less popp-y. Wonder and his pals are having a three some on the dance floor. They keep dancing closer and closer to us. I take off the cardigan. THere are mirrors everywhere but I'm trying to not watch myself dance. I tell her about the dancing at Irish weddings. I tell her that I think I dance like a hired dancer at a Bar Mitzvah or Sweet Sixteen.
She's all
"You have to choose, do you dance like your mother or do you dance like a Bar Mitzvah dancer?"

We keep dancing.

There is an AMAZING go-go dancer here. He's always here. He sort of does his own thing. He only does his own thing really. No beat, no rythm, no melody is strong enough to make him stray from his own personal choreography.

I go outside to call Boyf and run into ART. We kiss cheek to cheek. I like his jacket
"Thrift store"
I'm embarrassed because I'm repping H+M
"I like your broach"
I am redeemed.

I'm all
Who are you here with
He motions to his crowd and names them all. I met them the other night. I can tell by the way they nod, by the way he barely introduces them, even though I don't remember. He says the name of the goodlooking guy who is friends with Wonder. The guy gives me a small nod and look.
I think he's into me.

I really think he is into me.

Maybe I'm wanting more from the night than can really happen.

ART is away before I get a chance to say anything.


I leave Boyf a message. I say goodbye to everyone. Pony is getting another drink then taking a cab. I get on the scoot, and head home.

At home I shower, blowdry and cook.

A burger with cheese and avacado, and perogis.

Posted by Johnny at 1:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

I get home and turn on the tv. It's CSI:Miami. I've seen this one, about a girl found dead, near a bootcamp for wayward youth, even though she isn't wayward, she's an aspiring model. I can't remember how it ends, who killed her and why. I want to watch till the end, it's like trying to remember a dream that you just woke from, but I have to shower and shave.

I shower.
I shave in the shower.
I shave out of the shower.

Blowdry. Flatiron, a touch of some great matte pomade. Yess matte.
I've been wearing this heathered tank top all day, but I like the way it shows off my arms, and my shoulders,
which look pretty big. For me. Right now.
I put on, then take off, the black sleeveless cardigan I've been defaulting to on nights out.
No necklace.
Headband. 80's rollerink style.
Metallic and braided.

Agent says something about Netflix but I think he says Nut Flicks, I go to flick his nuts but he looks concerned so I hold off. He's all
"When you're drunk you'll flick them, and more I bet."
I'm all
I'll do it right now, I don't need alcohol, you're the one that flinched

I fold up some new Horesface porn bandannas and take two quick gulps of the Jameson I've been sitting on since Halloween.
I'm walking fast to BART. On the phone Cupcake says they are leaving soon so I should just meet them at AC's.

At the BART station some guy is eyeing my handful of porn bandannas. There's a true crusty punk, smelling liquory and humaney. A train comes but the LED sign flashes
TRAIN WILL NOT STOP

Another train comes.

I buy gum at the corner market because I forgot to brush my teeth and they feel fuzzy.

Beary is behind the bar when I arrive. He's back! I hug him, he gives me a water, and I set up the table by the door.
Cupcake and Rchrd Oh aren't here yet. Beary yells at a regular who is being a dick. He switches from sweet and quiet Beary to mean and shrill Beary so quick. It's dizzying. I hope it isn't a sign of the night ahead. The regular leaves after downing his white wine. He's bleary eyed, and teary eyed. I wonder if Beary hurt his feelings forreal.

Rchrd Oh comes in while I'm in the bathroom, I introduce myself to his friends. They don't seem to know why I'm talking to them or who I am. I don't care, and I think it makes me seem rude.
Rchrd Oh is all
"These are my friends"
I'm all
Yeah I know who they are.

I get the money and popcorn baskets.

Cupcake comes in with cupcakes and Vaderbuilt Lucy Alice and Nasty. I haven't seen these girls in ages. Lucy looks super hot with her bangs and Nasty looks thinner than usual. We chat it up about her new job as a Peachy Puff, or whatever. I ask her all the details and she's all
"It's nice that you are interested, none of my friends really ask me about it"

I ask questions when I'm nervous.
And I care.
Really.


Alice is wearing an ADIDAS dress and earrings. She skipped the shell toe white sneakers becuase she didn't want to do a rave theme. Just an ADIDAS theme.
Lucy comes by with a camera, suddenly everyone has cameras. It's me and Lucy and Nasty posing for Cupcake, by the prize machine and the popcorn machine. Lucy always looks good in photos, she kisses me for one of them. She's been getting laid recently, she says, so she's horny. I like her bangs.
Cupcake takes pictures of the cupcakes but they look like monster teeth and ugly food. Me and Alice model the cupcakes. I'm pulling out all my ANTM moves.

Danimal comes in. He's promoting for Shadowplay on friday, it's going to be Donimos birthday. We chat about NYC, he's a psychiatrist, which I didn't know. He tells me about all the lofts he's been in in Chelsea, I'm all wide eyes and full attention.

Beary asks me what I'm really drinking.
Old Fashioned please.

My new favorite (read: most hated) gay magazine, Details, profiled the Old Fashioned, so I've been curious. It tastes like winter holidays, the bitters make it spicy, like allspicenutmegcinamonmulledwine spicy.
Nasty you have to try this
She does. Then she orders one. I think.

Britain is here. We talk about Santorum. How Santorum brought home the corpse of his dead fetus/way preemie baby so his kids could see it, and connect with it before they buried it. Britain is outraged. I am incredulous, the popcorn machine sheds such a complexion flattering light on my face.

I dance near the bar. Agent is here, and James, and Boyf, and Pony. I flick Agent's nuts. He looks shocked and tries to get me back but I block with the money folder.

Alice and Bambam are talking about Bambam's job. His new mechanic job. She helped his boss get LV haircubes for his wife. LV hair cubes. They are clear with little gold "LV"-s floating in them. She says a girl she works with has them, and you notice them from ACROSS THE ROOM! I bet.

Vanderbuilt keeps putting her drink on my table when she smokes. I lose track of it though, because everyone does.

This really hot new girl comes in. She's from NYC.
I'm from Long Island
She isn't all that impressed. She is black I think, wearing a red mesh tank top, a denim vest with the sleeves cut off and all this werid shit glued on it, like a door knocker earring. The girl with her is hot too, she looks kind of like she's in Fannypack but not tragedy.

A tall guy who looks like a combo of two HYH regulars comes in. He's cute and makes eye contact with me.
When he leaves later, to smoke, he's all
"Do I need a stamp? Or will you remember me?("wry smile)
I'll remember.

Rchrd Oh comes up and asks how we are doing. We are doing ok so far, I notice the dance floor is totally empty, the bar is almost totally empty. EVERYONE is smoking.
I'm all
You cleared the floor, good job!
Rchrd Oh is all
"I'm going to go dance!"
and he does.

I'm at the bar and someone grabs my arm and is all
"Hey!"
I'm all
Hey!
before I even turn around
It's PJ, all red hair and stache, dressed like he's going out to dinner, or coming from it. I think I like his outerwear but it's too dim.
I charge him $3
It's weird because I know him, sort of. But he doesn't fuss.
He's bringing
"like 15 people"
and he
"didn't know there was a cover"
he sits next to me and chats me up about blogging and writing for money vs. writing, and going mainstream and stuff like that.
Some of his friends come in and they roll their eyes when I say
It's $3 each.
I let two in for $3
it's one guy's birtday so he's in for free,
the rest don't seem to mind. I don't either.

An older asian woman comes in she's scouting for a dj or something. The man with her gives me $10 for the both of them, even though they aren't staying. She gives me three drink tickets for the Gangway, she wants me to
"Bring your friends" and motions to the full dance floor.

Boyf's friend from work shows up, I let him in for free and he tips me a dollar.
Three older fags show up, I know one of them, did he hit on me? where is he from? I feel like I remember him being crazy.
He's all
"Can we do three for $5?"
How about three for $9.
Someone hands me a ten.

Another Old Fashioned from Beary. And another water.
The maple on maple cupcakes are a hit. Some people go for two. I warn everyone
They have nuts, in case you are allergic, and they're maple in case you don't like maple.
Those cupcakes cost $2 each to make.

Earlier Cupcake and I hoofed it up the hills to Cala Foods, once there we realized we needed 4 cups of real maple syrup. That alone is $25. Martha Stewart is crazy. But they are good, very seasonal. Very.


PJ is all
"What's on tv, it's crazy?"
I can't tell if he's really drunk or not. We've never had a real, real convo.
I'm going with yes, he is really drunk.

I go to the bathroom. Sounds like there is a meeting in the ladies room.

On my way back to the door PJ stops me
he's all
"I like your haircut"
Thanks, it's very freeing
"He agrees emphatically, we talk about short hair, but I rush back to the door because Boyf is watching it for me, which is not his job.

Jonny Evil tells me all about the music project he wants to start. I'm into it. His band just opened for the New York Dolls. It was their second show.

Phyllis appears. It's 1am so I'm dancing and the door is done.
I give Phyllis a hug and a bandanna for his birthday.
I dance like mad, and keep catching myself in the mirror,
do I dance like my brother? totally weird.
Everyone is dancing. PJ's friends are either loving it or hating it.
There's a crowd of them. A CROWD, they are like half of THE crowd.
I can't tell if they are fake dancing or real dancing.
I'm real dancing. I'm fake real dancing.

I drink straight whiskey,
twice, and Nasty and I share a PBR. Awesome because I am parched.
Rchrd Oh is out from behind the decks, dancing his crazy dances. I flick Agent's nuts, from behind.
I am a star.

I dance with Boyf. Alot. He is absolutely the best looking person here. No really. He is. Ask Alice. Ask Cupcake, and Lucy.
I compliment this guy on his sweater, it is definitely a ladies sweater but he wears it well. It's all deep V with metal yarn woven in, he's thin and flat chested, and hairless so it really suits him. I compliment his bravery and gall. Gall?
The new hot girls are dancing. They guy who asked if I'd remember him is dancing real close to Pony, he's not the best dancer but he makes up for it in looks. He's tall. They sort of bop in and out of the music, they get real close, kissing close, without kissing. They're just talking.
Nasty and Boyf dance real low to the ground. Boyf can get down far. It's funny. Nasty is such a good time
Rchrd Oh plays the last song. THE LAST SONG, but I JUST started dancing. Beary says we can have one more song, so I go around and pick up all the glasses and put them on the bar, because he is being so nice to us.
Something is missing. I'm not excited. I'm not happy. I'm pleased. I'm not nervous anymore, I'm not looking around the rooom trying to find the best looking peron. I'm not wishing I'd worn something else, or coveting someone's shoes. I'm barely able to dance without admiring myself in the mirror. There's a guy sort of near me and Boyf, and he is sort of dancing with us. He's goodlooking.

I don't need anything from anyone.
I'm fine.

Outside it's confusing. I'm drunk. Drunker than I think. Eventually I get in a cab and go home.

The guy who asked if I'd remember him is hanging out on the couch with Pony. Agent is in his room with James.
I'm in bed.


Rchrd Oh?! and Vanderbuilt


Cupcake and Phyllis


Nasty and your lovely Host


The grossest group shot ever. EVER.

Posted by Johnny at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

Vanderbuilt calls me at work. She has an extra ticket. More like, she met the bouncer on Halloween and he will try to get her in, so I can buy her ticket from her.
I'm thrilled but I won't have time to go home and change, the current outfit is:
Loosened up tight jeans, package enhancers
Long sleeve navy micro-thermal unbottoned at the neck
Vintage denim vest with leather detailing
Vintage stick pin with faux pearls and faux gold detailing

The shirt is really tight and I'm feeling bloated. Deep breath, button the vest.
I shaved today too, I wish I had tweezers for the heavy brows.

I get done with work earlier than I thought so I drive home and fry up a buffalo burger.
I pick out my good old tight blue jeans.
These used to squeeze me, not suffocate, not constrict, not turnequit.
A sleeveless white shirt, dyed off white, and just loose enough.
Afterthought: black cardigan with vintage shield pin, and of course a grey Horseface neckerchief.
This season is very prep school, very Halloweentown High School.

Pluck some stray brow hair, curl lashes, mascara and eye gloss. No to a vintage braided metal headband. Too much too predictable.

These jeans are killing me. My burger is done and the TV shows the real world road rules challenge: The Duel.

I scarf the burger, some cocacola, and scoot to the messanine. I've been there 3 times in two weeks. I hate the messanine. or rather, I really dislike it. I park my scooter on the sidewalk, ditch my jacket and head around the corner for a red bull.
But it's a $5 minimum for the ATM, 2 snikers, a pack of gum, and 2 Resse's Peanut Butter Cups.
I call Alice and Vanderbuilt they are around the corner trying to get Vanderbuilt snuck in. But which alley are they in. I hate 6th and Market, it's maybe THE sketchiest block in the city. I think they are on Stevenson.
By the time I catch up it's just Cupcake and Alice, Van is in, so I get her ticket.
Cupcake looks real cute, tight grey trousers a nice mini-cable knit cardigan, facial hair. Nice.
We go in.

I run into Dani, she looks fabulous, hair teased out into an amazing curly mess, tight black and white top, with her titties all bouncing in and out. We chat about staying positive, we chat about art projects, and the winter. Our seperate friends beckon, Pony appears.
He's a few drinks in. Or many. He's with Stethescope, a friend from work.

Everyone's in the back smoking. No Ins. No Outs.
This is my favorite part of the club. The smoking area, it's like this tiny parking lot for people, for smokers, caged in with those road blocks the city uses for street fairs and parades. There's a nice crowd, a goodlooking mix of hipsters and post ravers with some burning man thrown in.

Rchrd Oh is out here. He's talking to some folks I don't know. He waves us over, me, Pony and Stethescope. MaMa is here. I haven't seen her since June I think. While she's talking to me she keeps touching my chest. It feels nice, the familiarity, the ease. She's drunk

It's time to go inside, I hear people cheering.

We edge in at stage right/house left, by the bar. It's packed. Really packed. It's not like you can really move into a an empty spot, you have to displace people. Rchrd Oh and Cupcake go in far. Me and Pony are a bit behind, but he's determined to push through in his suit from work and huge shoulder bag. He goes for it and a whole group of four people are moved towards me in his wake.
MaMa is talking to some wierd couple next to us. It looks like she's going to get into a fight, I puff out my chest and cross my arms. I get ready. She drunkstumbles over to me and is all
"Awkward"
Why?
"That girl is just as drunk as me..."
MaMa and I exchange compliments, and promises to see each other more. I like her alot but I don't KNOW her.

Before the band starts a Russian lady behind us is all
"Why do you keep bumping into me?" to Stethescope.
Stethescope is all
"I'm not, it's crowded"
Rchrd Oh is all
"Chill out. You need to relax, this is a crowded show and people are going to bump into you"
I quickly size up the Russian, black leather jacket, looks like INC from Macy's, curly brown hair,long, orangish, brownish.
Total Loser.
"Just chill out!" Rchrd Oh is adament.
Russian is all
"I WON"T"
Collective eyes role.

The show starts. There's a screen of mesh stretched across the front of the stage, but you can see through it, and a large egg shaped pillow hanging from the cieling near stage right. It starts with some black lights and weird shapes then they come out
wearing black jump suits, ski masks with strange orange makeup underneath that glows in the black lights. The projections start.

The guy dances and plays a drum machine instrument with glowing sticks, the vocalist is farther back on the stage, sort of dancing sort of singing. It seems magicky. Like they are doing more than what they are doing right now. Casting spells and stuff, on all of us. It works.

There is no alcohol in me. I can tell exactly what is going on. I dance. Pony dances. Rchrd Oh dances. The music is great, and dark at first. It seems so witchy. At one point the large pillow is projected onto with a strange face, it sings back ups.
Then two pillow type shapes on stage take up vocals as well.
The music brings on deep thoughts. I'm not sure how to react really, by now I'd usually be wasted and dancing and lusting, and grabbing. I decide not to make any promises to myself, I think nice thoughts, and then dance some more.

I keep bumping into Pony and Rchrd Oh. They are behind me know. Rchrd Oh is going crazy as per usual, he really likes having fun. Pony is bouncing. A tall man in a puffy vest to my left rave dances to himself. I feel my back stiffen up and I know I'm dancing like Twinjob. Is it bad to flick your hair around if you don't have long hair?

This performance is really nice.
God I want so badly to be the next big thing. At least to myself.
YAYA SISTERHOOD!

In the movie Six Degrees of Seperation Will Smith's character says something like
"Tonight was so wonderful that I wanted to add sex to it."
It's after the couple who hosted his evening of culture and conversation discover him fucking a prostitute in the guest room of their very expensive Central Park Apartment.

It's how I feel.

I want someone I barely know to try to hold my hand and kiss me. To run his hand up the back of my shirt.
to bump into me while I'm dancing, by accident, repeatedly.
The boy dancing behind me is cute. He gives Pony a sip of his drink.
I'm sober, it's not worth it. It's not worth starting some kind of intrigue I can't and won't follow through on. Being sober is trickier than I anticipated.

It's so hot. My bandanna quickly becomes a rag for face wiping. I wipe my face and neck over and over. My bangs are so curling. I can feel sweat rolling down my legs, pooling in the small space between denim and skin at the backs of my knees.

The show ends, after an encore with strange frog like masks and fake hands.
Is this rave music? It's like the Knife is moving in on Bjork's old territory, but different. Is the singer preggers? or did she stuff her jumpsuit?

Outside for a cigarette. Then goodbyes all around. I grab Cupcake by the back of the neck when I say goodbye, he fake bites my neck. Rchrd Oh hounds me for leaving at 11:30 even though I have work at 8.
I get Pony some money for his cab. I'm glad it's not raining because it means I can speed.

Posted by Johnny at 7:24 PM | Permalink | Comments

I get home and pour out two Jameson rocks one for me and one for Pony, but he's a wuss and needs soda, I direct him to the corner store, and harrass Josie for use of her mirror, and eyeliner.

I pick out my outfit.
Tight black jeans
Striped tank
Sleeveless grey hoody
Long sleeve black hoody.

I paint on the skeleton facel/skull. I hate grease paint but Josie has some translucent powder to set it. It looks good. Really. I'm hoping
no one will recognize me, but that's unlikely.

Boyf gets home. Tired from work. He doesn't know if he's going out.
I fill Pony's half full soda the rest of the way with whiskey.
We hoof it to the BART. Talk drifts toward fashion design and dating. Pony is dressed as that tuxedo guy from sailor moon.
At the station some other passangers are dressed up. Most upsettingly is
the hospital escapee.

On the train there are two adult babies, wearing adult diapers. They are a couple.
There is one other skull face but his make up sucks. I don't even make eyesocket contact with him out of embarrassment.

Several of the ladies are fully working the HALLOWEEN-IS-A-SLUTTY-HOLIDAY look. None of the guys though.

We get off at Powell, sipping our soda all the way.
Rchrd Oh's is packed with folks. Alice is dressed as Alice from Wonderland with extensions and everything. Cupcake is fat dead Elvis, truly upsetting, Nasty is a weird Japanese cop, Vanderbuilt is a flapper, Rchrd Oh is a Panda in a suit. Brit isn't wearing a costume, nor Lucy.
Nasty's all
"Do you want a whip it?"
Duh
Then I tell the obligatory
I-USED-TO-LOVE-WHIPITS-TILL-THE-DENTIST-GAVE-ME-TOO-MUCH-NITROUS-AND-I-HAD-TO-GET-TALKED-DOWN-BY-MY-BEST-FRIEND-NO-SERIOUSLY story.
I can barely feel the effects of the gas through the whiskey buzz I'm pulling.
Cupcake and Rchrd Oh have been waiting on people all day, they're ready to get out.
We go to the Arrow Bar for a drink, Boyf calls, and meets us there.
He's dressed like a newscaster and even though he's just wearing a suit
you totally get it when he walks in with his microphone in hand.
No one is dancing so I grab Nasty and we hit the floor.
I step to the bathroom to make room for more whiskey.
We finish the bottle but I don't remember even starting it.
Everyone is bored so we head to Messanine, Van She is playing and Scream Club.

It's free and there's no line. I dump my shit in a corner
and buy a drink. Some girl here is dressed like Alice in Wonderland
but our Alice PUTS HER TO SHAME.
The music is ok. Then Van She plays.
I spent the whole day telling people that I didn't like them
when I listened to them on the internet so I wasn't going to go, probably.
But they are great, so I drink up and shake my bones.

The ladies show up with Phyllis, they are dressed like the three bears, or just bears because there are four of them. Phyllis has a tutu and some suspenders on with no shirt. I'm feeling too sober or rather too rational, I can still feel my tongue
I can still not dance bc out of self-consiousness.
Van She rocks the stage then quit it.
I dance some to some music coming from somewhere.
Get another drink.
Pony leaves, he's going to meet his boyfriend at some party. but then when I go outside for air he's there.
Why are you here?
"My boyfriend left the party he was at so I came back"
I'm psyched because I was having fun with him before he left.
Scream Club comes on but I'm spinning sort of. I know this will be hard to remember later. I know I'm having fun. I think I'm having fun. I think I look good.
I meet two guys. I don't really know how. One of them was in the hairshow. The other one is wearing a Brian Licthenberg shirt. But how did I start talking to them even?
I hope they won't remember me tommorow, or recognize me without my skull face. I think I look different enough that they wouldn't know me.
We dance.

What the fuck am I saying?

Is this dancing that I'm doing?

Is Pony making out with that guy?

Where's Boyf?

I'm in the bathroom trying to collect myself. I can't find my hoody.
Vanderbuilt grabs me and we go backstage, she spins some lies for the bouncer there, and we're in. Van She is there. I feel awkward. It's real bright and the guys in the band are talking to lots of ladies. This can't be happening like this.
I look around for Rchrd Oh. Seems like he'd be up here. I look around for free liquor or food, nothing. Some of the guys are eyeing me. Am I SO out of place?
I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL, back stage is like, where I belong.
I'm downstairs again back on the dance floor.

I feel bloated.


Pony likes Scream Club. I recognize the girl who starts it off from Homo-A-GoGo. She slips and falls, but her singing is better than I remember. I feel bad when she falls. It's over, everyone is pouring outside.
I'm talking to that girl. How did this convo start? Her back really hurts.
I try to sound sincere
I'm sorry about your back. Your singing was really really good! Feel better....
Outside everyone is trying to figure out where they are going. I recognize some guy that I saw in Rchrd Oh's camera, in pictures of Hold Your Horses when I was in Ireland. He's new.
On the corner Pony and Boyf and Me get in a cab. We stop at an ATM for cash then at Cala for foods.



Your lovely host and one of the girls

Posted by Johnny at 7:03 PM | Permalink | Comments