« Home | you sit, with your face leaned toward, and nearly ... » | he describes being touched"it's like when you are ... » | 10 unhealthy things to do today-a donut (poor qual... » | I pour the rest of the vodka from the freezer int... » | How to be Zeus » | 1.The butcher block has been wiped clean.You stand... » | My mother was born 53 years ago today.On the phone... » | Where the upper arm meets the forearmjust beow the... » | wrapped in sweats wrapped in corduroy shortswrappe... » | Tiredness settles onto your head like a flock of b... »

1.
I wake 20 minutes into a fitful and dreamy sleep.
the room is black
"The room is black"
the room seems always to be black
and it seems always to be 2a.m.
i wake at two am in a black room.

my mother gave me a small round sound machine
when i left for college.
it has different settings
white noise
stream
rain
heart beat.
i like rain
it keeps out sounds so i can sleep.
and it keeps me asleep when i wake up
at 2 am or other times when i would want to sleep.

tonight it does not work

i worry my jaw back and forth
i seem to always "worry my jaw"
i seem to always wake at 2 am in the black room
worrying my jaw
i roll around the bed

i get up and wake my roomate

he's fallen asleep with the light on
and a book open next to his head
glasses crammed on his face
eyes shut.

he tells me not to worry
he tells me to make a list of the ways i can make money in the next 45 days
he tells me that the world doesn't really make sense
and if my last shitty job, that i don't have anymore
was the only thing keeping me here, in this city i love
well then that is bullshit
he tells me i am amazing and that just because i failed miserably
and pathetically at being an artist doesn't mean i can't try again
no one is keeping score he says
i thank him.

i ask where we keep the kava kava
he says "use just a table spoon"
outside his window someone on the street
someone most likely drunk
sings
"it's my party and i'll do what i want to"
after a pause they yell
"who's gonna fuck with me....and my party?"


2.
What it is is that it seems that all the magics gone
out of the world.
and i'm left here with my face half painted
smelling like pizza
and mostly alone.