Dancing Like My Mother

It is so cold out. I'm reminded of NYC in the winter.
I can see my breath in my own house.
No one is home, the dogs go crazy when I let them out of their room.
I change from everyday black levis into special occasion tight black April 77-s.
I'm sticking with the black hoody I recieved for xmas and prematurely opened.
The idea of changing more than my pants gives me anticipatory chills.
I want to get in bed and pull the blankets up over my head and let the dogs settle in behind my knees.

I spray B+B shine spray all over my head and nearly gag on the smell of it.
I lock the dogs up and lock the house, leaving just the porch light on.
I scroll through my contacts in my phone trying to find someone to talk to for the 10 minute walk to the train.
I leave LaLa a message, I'm all
I love my new haircut, I'll see you tommorow!
A light in the alley strobes. Seriously strobes.
Like a strobe light.
It's an eerie bluish light.
It makes the street seem like a movie set.

On the train platform I run into Ken and Weasel.
I haven't seen them in almost a year.
Ken's got a fancy shirt on. They're going to meet Weasel's sister at a hotel downtown.
Her sister's boyfriend got jumped last night so he looks like
"Quasimoto, from you know, that movie..." Weasel blanks
"Hunchback of Notre Dame" Ken and I chorus it.
On the train the three of us squeeze into a two person seat.
I find it creepy.
I try to fill awkward pauses with explanations of my boringly simple job.
We gossip about Urban Oufitters which stole years of our lives and happiness.
Ken says
"We're wearing the same jeans"
Weasel looks embarrassed.
We part ways at Forever 21.

At Rchrd Oh?!'s and Cupcake's everyone is drinking a Sparks.
It's Pony, Alice, Rchrd Oh?! and Cupcake.
The windows are open for smoking so it's cold.
I ditch my jacket on the dining room table and hug Cupcake
Happy Birthday! How does it feel?
He's all
"The same" perched on the window sill, cigarette in hand.
I'm all
Do you have any booze?
"There's one more Sparks in the fridge"
Awesome! Stomach ache and Head ache.

I sit next to Alice.
She's working a deep voice from a cold and cigarettes.
I'm all
You sound like Demi Moore, I used to have a crush on her when I was little.
I crack the Sparks and I'm all
I hope this doesn't give me diarrhea.
Cupcake is all
"If I have two I go crazy"

I ask Rchrd Oh?! about his time with Peaches.
Cupcake and Alice relay stories about hanging out in the FIllmore and helping Peaches find Mayonaise for her food.
There's a picture of Alice with the Mayonaise bottle.
She put a hannukah candle in her bra and ran around the Fillmore all night.
Rchrd Oh?! says he was wasted and made Peaches talk to his cousin on the phone.
His cousin goes to all her shows dressed as the latest album cover.
Peaches knew exactly who she was.
She really likes bigstereo.net.
Rchrd Oh?! is famous.
Angel comes in, he's all
"Do you like my rave light?" holding up the back of his bike so we can see his blinking red light.
I'm all
What I really like is your highwaters
He's got red pants rolled up to about midcalf and a winter hat on.
Angel can't drink Sparks. He says decaf coffee makes him crazy.
I'm all
I can't drink it either....
then I drink it.

Lucy comes in with a brown paper bag, she slurs
"Happy Birthday Cupcake"
It's wine. From the corner store.
Someone lights a pipe.
The Sparks makes me jumpy, Rchrd Oh?! is all
"Who wants wine"
I want one.

I'm double fisting wine and Sparks when the girls come in.
Witchie has vintage leather gloves with the fingers cut off. They have buckles at the wrist.
Her hair looks shorter.
I'm all
Is your hair shorter again?
She's all
"Yeah I cut it again. I cut it when I get bored."
Well it looks good.
The girls have a bottle of Jack which they happily share with the room.

JackSparksWine.

I leave my wine half full.

Boyf runs into the room and hugs Cupcake. He's all
"Happy Birthday"
Then he demands the drugs I brought over for him.

I ask Witchie about her party.
She says she bought too much food for appetizers.
She's been eating appetizers for days. Like three days.

Alice is all
"Those are nice jeans"
I'm all
Thanks, they are April 77, or June of 1960 or something. Cupcake has trousers by them.
Alice is all
"Maybe I should get those for Dig. He always sews his jeans really tight. I bought him these really slim cut jeans, and he ended up sewing them anyway."

Everyone starts to get ready to go. Jackets, scarves hats.
On my way out I see Vanderbuilt in the kitchen.
When did she get here?
She's got a key stuck into a small hello kitty baggy in her right hand when she hugs me.
I'm all
This is nuts.
Pony is all
"It's NODOZE"
The baggy falls off the key when she jumps around. There's a small mound on the key so she snorts it up.

We gather on the pavement and go up O'Farrell to NiteSpot. I think.
I think it's NiteSpot.
Lucy knows the bartender, who's name is Lucy, but the Bartender Lucy is way Lesbian. In a Butch old school kind of way.
Baseball hat, short hair, specs, black hoody, all around butch demeanor.
We pour in, all 10 of us.
We must of gathered some on the way.

Most of the crowd are dudes, older dudes, pretty normal looking.
Eyebrows raise when they take us in.
Lucy the Bartender seems pretty psyched that we're here, she smiles and rushes to get us drinks. Cupcake of course gets a free one.
I like to think it's because we're such a gay group that she's excited.

I sit with Pony and Boyf drinking Whiskey and Coke.
Pony breaks the bad news to me
"I can't go to NYC with you"
I don't even skip a beat
That's ok.
"I have finals that week"
It's cool dude.

We make christmas plans.

Nirvana comes on the juke box and the two guys playing pool leave.
Angel is all
"I put this on!"

I stand with Rchrd Oh?! and chat him up about Big Stereo and his antics with Peaches.
We talk business, bandannas and all that.
I'm all
I'm so psyched that Big Stereo is going well for you.
I ask him its history and he tells me.
I glow with pride and admiration of him and my friends.
He tells me that when he was younger his mom tried to get him to dislike Hole and Courtney Love because Courtney killed Kurt Cobain.
I heard Kurt Cobain had died in my dad's car on the way to his house for weekend visitation.
When I got to his house I called three friends immediately.
Two of whom were crying.

Violent Femmes comes on the jukebox as I approach Lucy the Bartender
She's all
"What will it be sweetheart?"
and she rubs my arm
I'm all
whiskeycoke.
Alice chats me up, and Lucy the Bartender gives her a free drink.
I pay for her tip.
Vanderbuilt dances so hard that she falls over.

Sleezemore comes in with a blond girl.
She dances immediately, Sleezemore and Rchrd Oh?! talk.

I go outside for some air while Pony smokes,
Sleezemore comes out and I'm all
"Is that a Big Stereo bandanna?"
He's all
"Yeah"
I blush a bit, and bite my tongue.

Inside I ask Boyf if he wants to go.
Boyf chokes down his beer and him and Pony and me head outside for a cab.
Everyone goes outside, I guess they are changing bars.
I make plans with Cupcake to watch a matinee tommorow. Alice wants to come to.

We walk a few blocks and get in a cab.

I almost fall asleep on the ride home.

Posted by Johnny at 2:09 PM | Permalink | Comments

I meet Pony and Boyf at the SFGLBTQQIPINFINITI Center of San Francisco. We walk home through the slightly hazy slightly drizzly weather. Boyf skips out at 16th but Pony and I hoof it all the way. I'm not paying $1.40 for a ten block ride.

We get home five minutes after Boyf, he's on the couch smoking pot and watching t.v.
I cook up a TJ's pizza, then walk the dogs.
I dress:
Black jeans (duh)
Black vans with NEW fat black laces
a tanktop
an orange sort of ribbon woven vest in 3XL from the thrift sore

Boyf says the vest is very bahai, very renn faire bisexual college proffessor.
Agent fully supports the vest, while Pony thinks it's too big.

But can it get smaller?
He says we can fix it, later.
I go back up and switch out the tank for an off white sleeveless T that shows off my arms well and hangs just loose enough around the waist. I top it off with an imitation chanel purse strap (gold chain with black leather ribbon and tassel) that I bought thinking it was a belt or necklace. No one ever notices though.

Curl eyelashes, diorshow. Flatiron and dry shampoo, shake it up.

Pony and I head out to the BART.
He is stoned and funny. Wearing a Chalayan coat a vintage old man hat and Nudies.
I love the Nudies.

On Turk by 6th st in front of the Sex Arcade some guy asks Pony where he got his hat.
He says
"A thrift store"
It's not the best neighborhood for casual conversation,
but best not to ignore people either.

We get to AC's at 10:05.
Rchrd Oh?! is already in the back messing with levels.
The place is overloades with Christmas decor.
Of note is the large sledge with a stuffed santa hanging from the
low ceiling over the center of the bar.
Dad has to half duck to avoid it when he passes.
There's also a small village of christmassy model homes snuggled
warmly around the tv by the front door, and another village on a snowy ledge above the dance floor.
When Rchrd Oh?! turns the dance lights on half the village is strobed
and laser beamed.
My favorite piece is the house perched on top of the register,
through it's tiny front windows I can see Santa, a child, and a Christmas tree
dancing, in a circle.

New favorite Coco is here with her sleek chic hair cut, faux Chanel earrings and many many necklaces.
Dad makes a face when I order an old fashioned.
To soften the blow I tell him he makes them better than any other bar I've been too.
Which is true.
Coco entertains me and Pony with tales of babysitting rich kids in hotels.
When Pony goes to smoke and get money I ask her about getting her masters.
Turns out she's a doctor. A DOCTOR. She's 25.
She's all
"Nice purse strap"
I'm all
I thought it was a necklace
Pony looks at me like I'm dumb.

After filling up popcorn baskets I retreat to my post by the door. It's 10:45 and it's still just the 5 of us.
I text Cupcake, who is not coming. I call Alice who does not answer.
Witchie and two friends show up at 11.
One of them recognizes me from the art store on Haight. I was there two days ago,
we half chat till Witchie drags her to the dancefloor.

Soon Nasty shows. She's wearing a cute tanky top with lipsticks all over it.
She has her camera. She gets a drink.
We chat it up, and fill each other in on the two weeks we haven't seen each other.
Her wallet is gone, stolen or lost, so she only has an out of date passport.
In the picture she looks remarkably like Alice, till now their family resemblance has been lost on me.
She's all
"I like that you are wearing a purse strap as a necklace"

A few pairs of folks come in but when they here about the cover they turn heel. I bet cupcakes would up the intrigue.

Some folks come in, but they know Rchrd Oh?!
Brandicorn comes in. He doesn't work tomorrow so we're hoping lots of boys
show up so he can stay up late kissing them.

Boyf is here. He gets a beer and sits with me for just a minute.
Brandicorn tells me he's going to Vietnam soon.
He's traveling alone.
He relates a story about this total fag that works for his company that he
ran into the other night. This older gay guy with a bald spot and totally
bleached out hair. Brandicorn told the guy that he has trouble meeting guys and the guy was all
"I don't know what you're talking about, I find it REALLY EASY to meet guys, I meet guys ALL THE TIME."
I'm all
He is probably desperate with no standards, that's why he's so easy, and it's so easy.
(I'm two old fashioneds in.)
In Mean Girls Lindsay Lohan's character realizes that calling someone fat doesn't make you skinny, and calling someone ugly doesn't make you pretty.
However calling someone easy does make you morally superior. I can feel the moral superiority.

Nasty's camera comes out. I request portraits by the prize machine, as per usual.

A group of 5 fags, not all ugly come in. They ALL know Rchrd Oh?!
I'm like
Great
I catch one of them peeking at me when I'm checking i.d.s.
He's cute. I realize I'm looking back at him, then I blush.
But I'm in the red lights.
The rest of them seem queeny.

Dad gives me another Old Fashioned and a bottle of water.
Alice comes in with Dig.
She's dressed like Napolean Dynamite.
She's wearing a Napolean Dynamite t-shirt.
She's also wearing a puffy jacket and those puffy snow boots.
She's sort of giving a little Deb. But more like one of those little kid costumes with the plastic mask.
She's all
"I'm wearing this shirt and I feel like one of those kids in one of those halloween costumes that's plastic and it has a picture of who they are supposed to be on it, like a little girl wearing a rainbow brite outfit, but she has rainbow brite's face on her chest or something. I always thought those kids were cheating when I was younger. You can't reference yourself in a costume, it's just not real enough."
I tell her my stock I-AM-GAY-halloween stories:
I wore my mom's dress in order to be a Wizard
My mom helped me stuff my bra senior year so I could be a hooker
She painted my face like a cat because I loved cats, but that wasn't halloween.

It's endless.

I don't really like Napolean Dynamite but Alice's post ironic ironic take on her outfit seems so pomoaprospo.
Alice is all
"Are you supposed to be a Chanel purse?"

Pony and Nasty pretend that they are related, like fraternal twins. They could totally be twins.

Cupcake comes in and I'm all
I thought you weren't coming
and he's all
"No, I decided that I should."
I'm glad
"Me too"
His new haircut is particularly fetching without his glasses on.

When I check out the dance floor the guy who looked at me on his way in is queening it up on the floor. I want to dance so bad so I hand the door off the Nasty so I can go pee,
Rchrd Oh?! is in there so I smack him on the ass, then go dance.

Lucy is not here.
Vanderbuilt is not here.

Back at the door a bunch of people from the Buffalo Exchange come in. They are all like
"Is Dino here yet?"
And I'm all
I heard she's not coming
and they're al
"What?!"
Dino pokes her head in and I'm all
You better get in here because people have been asking for you all night,
I go out and stand with her while she smokes and hang out.


It's already 1am and I'm trying to get another drink before I hand over the money.
But Dad's so busy. Santa and the tree and the child are still dancing inside the small house.
Around and around and around.


I give Rchrd Oh?! the money and he's all
"Is it 1?"
and I'm like
It's even later!!

I get on the dancefloor and Dino is there immediately, and Nasty with her camera.
Dino is all
"Are you dancing like your mother?"
and I'm all
Um...I guess so.
Phyllis shows up so late as per usual.
I'm like
You're late!
and he's like
"I know"
Are you having fun?
"Well I just started my whiskey so not yet..."



Dad turns on the lights early and everyone is
"What?!"
But Rchrd Oh?! complies.

I run around and get all the glasses and put them on the counter, then get my payout and head outside to the crowds.
Pony and me and Phyllis get in a cab with Boyf, but I'm in the front.

At Phyllis's we sit in his back room porch area with the door open. It rains outside but it's warm and nice in here.
He breaks down his living arrangement. His roomates, the layout of the apartment, and rent prices...
They all smoke pot.

Pony and Boyf and me walk the block home and turn on the t.v. I eat some potato chips. I eat alot of potato chips.
Pony is like
"Can I go to bed?"
Which means
Would you guys go upstairs so I can sleep on your couch?

My eyes itch so I slide my contacts around.
I take two sleeping pills, but only realize after, I meant to take one, but I'm so drunk.


Cupcake and new friend AC


nu twins


Rchrd Oh?! spins with no hands


Ugly me and standoffish Boyf

Posted by Johnny at 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments

I walk in and JJ's hair is all newly coiffed, and I'm all
Nice cut,
then I see Red on the couch and I'm all
You did a good cut

Everyone is home, then Westminster comes by with Eliot. It's slightly awkward, she's sick and stoned.
We watch Ugly Betty.
Agent is all
"How did this pass a focus group? Who said this was ok for tv? Did they even say things like 'yeah, maybe she shouldn't be REALLY ugly'?"
We decide that the plot probably just focuses on Betty's ugliness
Betty gets a makeover, then she gets in a car wreck,
but she gets a face transplant from a model
but it slides off her skull.
In our version she becomes a skinless skull on a plate with a pony tail.

Is Westminster actually horrified?
She's all
"Well I mean, what is ugly anyway?..."

I put on some diesel jeans which used to squeeze me just right but have stretched out.
I go back downstairs to grab something and Westminster is all
"You look buff..."
I try on several tight shirts then settle on an undertank with a grey cardigan with two two inch band buttons on the right side, and a vintage headband.
I reflatiron, curl lashes, apply diorshow.
I'm out of eyegloss.

Pony calls, and we make plans for me to pick him up.

Boyf decides he WILL go out, right when I'm leaving.
I scoot to Pony's.
I call him and he's all
"I'll be right down"
After five minutes I ring his bell and ram my helmet against the front gate.
It's cold.

Pony appears wearing tight new red jeans from AA, little white sneaks, a black and white plaid jacket a gentleman's hat, and sports a new haircut.
I can't figure out if I like it or not. It's more typical but does make him even handsomer. Heartmelty handsome.
He pulls on his helmet, hops on the scoot, and loosely throws his arms around my waist.
I'm all
Dude, hold on tight, are you stoned?
"No drunk..."
I thought so.
"I was trying to hide it"
I could tell
"Do I seem really dumb"
No you just seem...
"Like I'm hiding it?"
No, you just seem different, you seem like drunkle Pony.

Boyf calls because he doesn't know where Poopscene is, Pony does.
After driving around SOMA and dodging some dodgey traffic we park.
At the door the bouncer really checks id's, he wasn't sure if mine was me.
Inside the ATM is broken so I walk Pony to the bank and back. On our way out we see Rchrd Oh?! and Vanderbuilt
scooting up.

I'm all
There's Rchrd Oh?! and Vanderbuilt, I think
Pony's all
"I hope it's her, I LOVE her. Whenever she's around I have so much fun. Does she have an accent?"
No I think she just talks like that.
"Like when she says Dahling..."
Well, I think she puts that on....
"Is she a rich girl?"
I don't know, she works for LV, so maybe that's why she sounds wealthy....

Inside we find them. Drinks are $7 and nobody likes that.
Rchrd Oh?! thought it would be sold out, but it's only 2/3 full, if that.
The first band does not rock.
We go outside for smoking.
DJSleaze is here. I haven't met him but heard about him.
He kisses Rchrd Oh?! a hello on the mouth. He's straight.
Vanderbuilt is all
"Have you met him?"
No
"Host, this is Sleaze, Sleaze, Host."
Hello.

I try to ask him the name of his night at Mighty, but he's caught up in convo with Rchrd Oh?!
Vanderbuilt is all
"I think it's called Bouncing Titties..............................................BALLS!"
I laugh. She just said Balls.

She asks Sleaze if his night is called Titties or Balls,
he's all
"No, it's called Bounce"

Balls.

Vanderbuilt and I chomp it up about drinking and not drinking, doing blow and not doing blow.
Boyf shows up, on the other side of the smoking barrier, on the sidewalk.
He's wearing a parka with a grey sweater, his mustache has really come in. He looks like a molester.
It's gross. I try to imagine kissing him, but it's hard.
Ugly hot.
We relate the sad state of drink prices.
Boyf and Pony are off to get booze.
Me and Vanderbuilt head inside.
We sit with Semen.
Vanderbuilt is wearing her leather jacket over a red dress over jeans, her hair is long and sexy with long sexy bangs and glossy red lips. oh yeah, and mascara, alot.
We don't like the dj.
I text Boyf and he's outside again with Pony.
We go out to drink with them
Whiskey and Coke.
Pony tries to lean on two mopeds that are chained together but he knocks them over
one of them was leaking gasoline already, but now it really does. We can smell it.
Vanderbuilt's friend walks up right as they fall.

Semen tells about how he was at a porn shoot and some guy with an 11 inch dick
was breaking in all these young boys and their asses were bleeding.
How the boys needed the money, or something.
Collective throats gag, maybe.
Vanderbuilt is all
"Well now I'm difinitely not taking it in the ass"
We swig the drinks fast because the band should start soon.

Inside Pony and me and Boyf sqeeze towards the front.
I spot Rchrd Oh?! so we try to latch onto him, to stake a claim to some prime floor space.
I get stuck behind a shortish girl. I don't want to step in front of her.
Boyf and Pony notice I'm not next to them, in front of the girl.
Pony shrugs his shoulders at me, I make eyes at the girl
so like a fag he goes
"HOOOSSST, hey, come here"
and grabs my hand like a big homo.
I squeeze in front of the girl and mutter
You're such an asshole
to Pony.
He's been kind of fresh tonight.

New Young Pony Club takes the stage. Their name makes me think of Fine Young Cannibals.
When I was around 16 my punk rock brother brought home a tape of FYC and played it for days.
It was so out of character. So not punk rock and angry teen.
I couldn't figure him out. Like, was he trying to be weird?

The lead singer has one side of her head cut short, the rest pulled over in a sort of low po.
She's wearing a green and gold sequined shift dress with purple tights and blue slingbacks.
The key boardist wears an aqua dress with small white polka dots with bangs and a pony.
The drummer has long brown hair, a high waisted balloon skirt in brown with shoulder straps and large pring black and white gingham short sleave top. The guitarist has a t-shirt on that says "it is true" or something ina thoroughly modern font.
The bassist has button up white shirt with black stars on it, white jeans, white sunglasses, and blond longish hair parted down the middle.
The guitarist looks the oldest.
The keys aren't working but he's on the job.
After technical difficulties they start the set.
The singer has huge eyes, I think she's looking at me.
She dances by flinging her top half forward and back with arms spinning, but feet and legs planted firm.
She's singing at me, her huge eyes have got me.
NO REALLY.
At the end of the first song I want to make out with her, I want to flirt with her at a party, lean on a pool table next to her, stnad nearby as she drinks beer and goes crazy dancing.
She tells us she has a soar throat.
The girl behind me, the shortish girl is next to me. She's stuck behind a guy who's taller than me.
She keeps complaining to her friends. I almost trade with her. But none of her own friends offer to trade
or open up a better spot for her, I stand sideways so she can squeeze in a little more.
The second song is great too.
The drummer sings the high parts because the lead singer is losing her voice.
Recorded they sound way cleaner and way dancier, in like an electronic dance way. But live the singer is rawer the beats are just as good but the songs are less dance musicy more pop. I think of B52's.
I'm probably wrong though.

After the second song I can see pain on the lead singer's face.
She urges us to party.
She throws a towel to us, and one to her drummer. A great drummer.
I swear she is looking at me.
3 songs later they are done.
As they get off the stage the dj is all
"Maybe if you cheer they will play one more"
but the Guitarist draws his finger across his neck and shakes his head
really hard.
They will not play more.

Outside smoking Rchrd Oh?! says they had to cancel 5 dates of their 7 date U.S. tour.
I wonder if we just saw a one hit wonder. Will they exist or matter next year?
I get sad. I think I might be right.
They were great, but ....
Pony is all
"That singer was so hot"
I'm all
I want to make out with her. Guys, what if I'm straight
Pony punches me.
He's all
"Don't be gay. You're not straight from one girl"
I'm all
It's not like 'I would make out with her' I want, WANT to make out with her. I want to date her.
Pony does too. Maybe she sang to him too.
I guess. We were both in the same audience. He was next to me.
Fuck.

We go and dance to one song. I dance towards Vanderbuilt and say
BALLS
I think some guy is checking me out.
He's ok looking.

I go to the bathroom. My reflection is..unimpressive. My hair got flat.

Boyf and me, and Pony leave.
Pony is coming over.
We walk by where the mopeds were, there's big wet spot, it must be gasoline. We can smell it.
We walk Boyf to his bike so Pony can smoke.
On the scooter ride home Pony and I chat it up about NYC. The trip in March. At a stop he leans on me and is all
"I wish you were moving there too!"
I'm all
Me too... I don't know if I could make it there though. There are alot of distractions.
Pony is all
"I'm not going to have any friends"
Dude you are goodlooking smart and talented and you meet people so SO easy. You'll be fine.
He says that if we don't talk for two years we could talk again like nothing happened, we are those types of friends.
I'm all
I hope it doesn't come to that.
then...
Are you drunk?
"A little."

We stop at Safeway for sleeping pills and hot pockets. No. Lean pockets.

At home I eat two lean pockets then get into bed with my jeans on.
It's cold.

Posted by Johnny at 9:46 PM | Permalink | Comments

I've been wearing these tight black jeans all day. My t-shirt selection dissapoints so I throw on an undertank and my sleeveless CocaCola sweatshirt.
Spray on some black hair powder, curl lashes, mascara.

I myspaced Nasy about the show, and Brandicorn called to see if I wanted drinks but I'm driving, again.

I get there around 9:15.Outside there are two youngish lesbians totally making out.
Like they are 16.
They might be, it's all ages.
Inside I see Nasty waiting by the bar. She's so tall.
I'm on the list, and I say so. Hand stamped.
Nasty just got here too. Social Studies is playing and I'm all
They sound like Weezer
"What?"
THEY SOUND LIKE WEEZER
Oh, Yeah, sort of.

Calrsburg swishes by on her way to the bathroom, we half hug hello.
Toddy comes up, I think he's checking Nasty out, Brandicorn said he's been dating
tall thin blondes, like Nasty.
We half hug hello, and try to talk over the music.
Teeny comes by and we hug and squeeze. She's wearing all black.
I give her a hanky, but she makes me fold it for back pocket wearing.
I stuff it in her right ass pocket.
Her haircut looks really good, really chickL.A.rocknroll.
Hey taps on my shoulder, I don't recognize him at first because his normally shaggy hair is lopped off into a conservative 50's style.
He looks older, and far more serious. We hug hard and talk about the show.
He's excited
He's glad I'm here
I'm excited
I'm glad I'm here.
Hulk comes by wearing a grey and white striped vneck, very attractive on him.
We hug, he pats me on the shoulder, it's too loud to talk, he has earplugs in.

When Social Studies stops we applaud, Nasty and I go for water and talk about
having no money. We don't mind having no money.
We mind having no money for alcohol. She buys her second
and last beer of the night.
But shares it with me.
She's a good Christian soul.

We move up toward the front.
Nasty keeps looking around, like she's looking for someone.
She is hoping her crush will show up, because of his tenuous ties to Finest Dearest.
Teeny beckons us to her side of the stage.
We stand right in front of her.
The crowd pushes forward when the feedback begins.
Toddy is tuning but there is feedback.
Teeny starts the song but it takes everyone a few seconds to realize they should play.
They do.
They rock.
Nasty dances around like we are at a dance club.
A 15 year old skinny faggot next to Nasty sort of rave dances, it's awkward.
His limbs are too long and stick like.

The set is good, Toddy unplugs himself during some rockstar antics, and Hey has some trouble with the bass levels.
When they get to the last song Carlsberg is all
"Do you want to sing back ups?"
and I'm all
Sure.
They don't say it into the mic or anything
I wonder if the crowd thinks I'm just some weird guy strolling onto the stage

It's my favorite song, and I blow out my voice screaming the opening lyrics.
Afterwards Nasty is all
"Good job on vocals!"
Her crush still isn't here, so she jets.
I help Teeny with her amp and tell her my HONEST OPINON about the set.

I get a 7" and Brandicorn and I go outside to put it in my scooter.
He's talking about guys and gays, and being newqueer, and I'm all
Here'swhatIthink.Ithinkthatnomatterwhatit'sallnewtoyou,andthere'sannoyingshityouhavetogothroughwhenshitisnew,butyouaregoodlookingandsmartandfunnyandyouhaveagreatpersonalitysoshitisgoingtoworkoutforyou.
I sit with Teeny on the curb then she shows me the new tour van and I bring up her birderous past.
We retell her story to each other, about how she slept with her pet bird, but killed it accidentally. There must be another story, but she's still a birderer.
All the locks in the van have silver skulls on them, Hulk says that him and Toddy tinted the windows themselves.
Teeny brings up my potential trip with them to LA in the new year.

Back inside Music for Animals have started. There's all these art school projections going on behind them. There's a man fucking a woman in slo mo. It looks vintage, you can't see the guys face. I think of the MALE GAZE, then the MALE GAYS.
Teeny comes out of the bathroom and we move up through the crowd.
This song has a good verse hook
"You're hands are so cold"
My hands are cold. It's so cold outside.
We move up to the balcony.
The singer guitarist and the bassist wear suits with red shirts.
The singer has curly curly hair, styled into a fro sort of.
He has untucked his shirt, unbuttoned his jacket, and unbuttoned the top to buttons of his shirt.
I lean over to Teeny and shout
THE DANGER OF WEARING A RED SHIRT WITHOUT A TIE IS THAT WHEN YOU UNBUTTON THE TOP BUTTONS AND UNTUCK IT YOU LOOK LIKE A LOUNGE SINGER, A BAD LOUNGE SINGER...
She's all
"That IS dangerous...."

I tell Teeny about the porn video part, and my mild obsession with the Male Gaze as a fairly applicable pun.
She agrees, and relates that she's tried to use Male Gaze as a pun but not everyone knows it's radical feminist film theory meanings.

She says they seem really professional
I'm all
Do you mean like Bar Mitzvah and Sweet 16 professional?
She dead looks me
"Yes"

The allure of the well polished band fades as each song takes on a particularly Killer vibe. At one point ballons are dumped from the balcony on both sides of us.
Teeny and I notice a ballon landing squarely on a bald guys head, but it's two different guys at the same exact time.

There are so many people here for Music for Animals.
At one point they turn their backs to the audience and the lights go low.
Their arms and backs light up with Christmas lights. The guitarist's aren't secured too good because when he starts playing they swing around his wrist.

A girl dressed as a dominatrix gets on stage and faux whips the boys.
I'm all
We're in San Francisco, couldn't they get a real dominatrix?
Is that edgey even?
Is it trying to be?

One of our favorite songs features a rhyme between the words "Bi-curious" "furious" and "serious".
Bi-Curious!! Really? Serious-ly?!
I thought that word was only used in M4M ads.
I yell out
"MALE GAZE"
Teeny yells
"1970's FEMINISM"
SECOND WAVE
"THIRD WAVE"
Then together
MAAAALLLEEE GAAAAZZEEE



We go into the smoking room. It's smokey.
We perch on a rickshaw. A broken one. It sort of creaks and sways.
Teeny smokes and I tell her about my art projects.
She tells me about Finest Dearest's plans.

Outside it's still cold and the 16 yearold lesbians are back at it, but there's a crew of friends standing around. Some creepy dude takes a picture of clubkid looking twinks with his phone. One of the twinks pulls his shirt open and squeezes his nipple.

I have a text from Boyf and a voicemail.
I get on the scooter, grind my teeth and head home.

Posted by Johnny at 5:20 PM | Permalink | Comments