Dancing Like My Mother

at home
6 shots in of jager
then two of whiskey
there's a moth on the tv screen
which isnt a moth but a mosquito
and not a tv but a computer.
black cotton socks pulled up to
your thighs
and blue cutoff shorts high up to your
crotch.
you dressed like lolita.
on purpose.
you walked to the bar and thought
"i am dressed like lolita, on purpose"
you served booze and soda
and water with ice
you danced briefly with a boy
wearing a tight flannel shirt and a broach
instead of a tie, his eyes turned down on the
outside his belly touched your forearm.
you grabbed the thickness of him
when you pushed past to the restroom.
"this" youthink
"is good practice for new york'

Posted by Johnny at 2:28 AM | Permalink | Comments

1.
You're
at the sex club
with your pants at your knees
and the feeling of his
shaved head in your palm
as he mouths your penis.
The eye brows you painted on earlier
half rubbed off when you
went down on the first guy
your face buried in his lap
the soft clammy skin of his thighs
pressed to your temples and cheeks.
All that black make up smeared
across your face
you look like a chimney sweep.


2.
it was inappropriate the way
you made out with that boy.
the one who only wanted to talk
with you, though his hand cupped
the bone of your hip
and his face drunkenly
sunk toward your shoulder
and his eyes glinted drukenly
and promisingly at yours.

3.
walking on 16th street
you mouth the words to
a marianne faithful song
practicing figure eights with your hips
imagining an egg between your shoulder blades
so you don't move them
as you swish.

4.
at 11 am he says
"go check out that dolly, if its too heavy"
you walk across the lot
past two men in coveralls
with filthy faces. you lift one end of the red dolly.
grease from the underside coats your fingertips
black. you wipe this on the bottom hem of your jeans.
the mickey mouse t-shirt is tight on your chest
you chug watered down gatorade and bight brightly
into a perfectly ripe red apple.
"yeah, its not too heavy" you push the words around
the mouthful of fruit,
thinking how handsome you must look,
unaware of the dark circles of mascara
under your eyes, aging you 10 years in the sunlight.


5. You say
"i hope I didnt get an std last night"

6. You say
"how many drugs are you on for the HIV"
you call it THE HIV instead of YOUR HIV
he asks
"Why?"

Posted by Johnny at 3:10 AM | Permalink | Comments

1.
I ran myself ragged
by not drinking
and last night
when he came in
with his boyfriend
both of them in blackouts
from the whiskey
both too loud
with perfect beards
and nice hair
I drank quickly from the
Ancient Age bottle
then went to bed.

2.
In a text message he said
"come over to my house
we'll take a bath with salts
then have crazy sex all night"
I erased the message by accident
and only noticed later when i tried
to show my friend at the bar.

3.
I say "I have a gig later"
and she says, after a nearly audible pause
"I really like glitter too"

Posted by Johnny at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments