Dancing Like My Mother

There's a half a stick of butter in its paper
and spilled sugar on the butcher block.
A cup of coffee, so light with cream it could be tea,
and a tiny spoon.

Posted by Johnny at 8:49 AM | Permalink | Comments

His inhaler fell off the bedside table during the night, it was when you reached for you phone at what seemed like four a.m. your hand swiping in the dark at the contents of that table top.
You notice it in the morning, hiding under the fan on the floor. this one item he's left accidentally at your house. Next to your bed, the sight of his longest residence in your home. It makes you cry
or rather
it makes you try not to cry, this blue and plastic tube.
You hiccup down your tears
and put a cup of hot hot coffee to your mouth
an attempt to burn out the memory of him
and the hope of his return.

Posted by Johnny at 11:34 AM | Permalink | Comments

You showed him the rash on your neck
and the scab on your jaw
He said
"gross"
You said
"I don't have to sleep over, I can go"
He said
"I'll just make sure I wash the pillowcase tommorow"

Posted by Johnny at 5:36 PM | Permalink | Comments

1.
You drink vodka and lemon on ice
in bed
in the dark.
You run your tongue along the chip in your front teeth till it pinches
your eyes droop. Your eyes droop
your phone chirps
and he wrote "i'll head home then, jb has some funny youtube clips"
you squeeze your eyes closed hard,
the words in negative in the dark.

2.
You pick up two rocks.
One is small and red, shaped like a heart actually
with white veins through it.
The other smooth and black with
white veins through it.
The wind so loud it pushes your short hair back
it rushes at your ears.
You pretend to not hear from your friend
over the wind, it's loud enough to pretend
that all you hear is the loud ocean like sound of it.

3.
only tv and sleep

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You send him a text
you say
"hey do you like the harry potter"
he texts back
"well, I mean, who doesn't"

You drink too much alcohol at the bar
he drags you to carl's junior afterwards
there are two fights while you order
the police come.
at home your burrito is full of rice.
you say, through a moutful of rice
"this burrito is full of rice"
you drink from a huge cup of icy diet coke
you swallow a wad of rice.
He yells at you,
again
he seems to yell at you often at 4am on
a friday
after the booze
and the carl's junior,
and the big cup of soda.
you roll your eyes
you go to bed
while the room spins
in the dark.

Posted by Johnny at 10:39 PM | Permalink | Comments

1.
When he waves a pencil sized joint in your face
You say "when did you start smoking so much pot?"
he says "Stranger things have happened"
you say "i mean i'm not reading you, its just that
it's like you're a pot head all of a sudden"
he laughs, then turns away too quickly
closing the door behind him.

2.
"i want to tell you some thing"
he says
he says
"my therapist said that if i have some thing
to say to you, i should just say it and not
think about it too long, or like hold on to it"
you say "no"

3.
You say
"I haven't cum for about 6 weeks"
he says
"that is so cool!"

4.
He says
"I have to tell you something
about my body"
You lower your voice and scan the room
quickly
"what?" you whisper
"i think i bruised something...inside me"
he says
"oh that's normal" you say
you say "that's totally happened to me"

5.
There's a new large
floral printed couch in the room
"What's this?"
you ask
"That's my new couch,do you like it?" he asks
"no" you say "not at all.

Posted by Johnny at 9:24 PM | Permalink | Comments

The bench was lower than the chair
and the table too wide.
Though you are taller than him
when you sat on the cushioned bench
you sank in low.
You said
"wow this is weird"
noting not only the sudden height difference
but also the disney themed decor
and mismatched furniture
"i'll sit with you"
he said sweeping around the table
his thigh softly brushing yours
as he settled in, close.
now
you can smell the milky tinge on his breath
the fine lines around his eyes apparent
in the dim light
and the alarming steadiness of his eye
contact, not penetrating or forceful
but unceasing, and pliant.

Posted by Johnny at 9:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

It's sunk in
that you are gone
for six months
it has seemed that
you'd return
with a half full
paper cup of coffee
your hand dripping
the white cup stained brown
around the edges
a stripe or splotch of coffee
on your already soiled jeans
and your gold rimmed glasses
slid far down your small nose.

the post card you sent
got here late
the neighbors took the mail again
the cat on the card
is bored. and the card
seems old. i imagine you in
upstate new york at a store
somewhere near the trail you are hiking
i imagine you buying beef jerky
and donuts, and loose tobacco
to roll into cigarettes.
then you see the post card
you see 14 different cat postcards
which have been there for years
and you buy them all

the mice are loud.
they've gotten louder since you left.
and the neighbor got a kitten
that snuck into the apartment on the day
the post card came
which was weird.

Posted by Johnny at 1:11 AM | Permalink | Comments

You eat brie cheese.
From a plastic bag.
From the fridge.
The cheese
tastes like the inside of a plastic bag
and wax
and triple cream

You try not to drink
whiskey, which is kept on top of the fridge
in three different bottles.
instead you dip limp
celery in spinach dip
and peel a hard boiled egg

Posted by Johnny at 1:04 AM | Permalink | Comments